A great marriage is built over time and it’s an accumulation of your choices and these little things that you must pay attention to every day. It is easy to get complacent and miss these crucial elements of a great marriage.
Every day presents you with an opportunity to either strengthen your relationship or allow disconnection to set in.
While these small actions and routines may seem insignificant at the moment, they accumulate over time and shape the emotional bond you share with your partner.
In this piece, we shall be exploring key areas you must pay attention to if you want a great marriage.
1. How You Speak and Respond to Each Other in Words
Do you speak and respond to each other respectfully and kindly or are you usually harsh, dismissive and hostile in your tone?
The way you communicate as a couple can greatly influence the health of your marriage. Words carry power, not just what you say but how you say it and the intentions you aim to achieve.
Consider these scenarios –
Situation 1: One partner forgot to take out the trash, and it’s starting to smell.
- Partner 1: “Hey love, I noticed the trash is still here. I know you’ve been busy—could you take it out when you can?”
- Partner 2: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I totally forgot. I’ll take care of it right now.”
Situation II.
- Partner 1: “Why can’t you ever remember something as simple as the trash? You’re so irresponsible!”
- Partner 2: “I don’t need you nagging me all the time! Why don’t you just do it yourself?”
As a person, which one of these situations would you want in your home?
These examples show how small shifts in tone and word choice can lead to different outcomes which can affect the environment around your home.
Kind, respectful communication builds connection and resolves issues smoothly while communicating harshly and dismissive will fuel conflicts.
Even in disagreements, choosing words carefully with kindness ensures that problems stay manageable without turning into personal attacks.
2. How Quickly You Forgive and Repair After a Conflict
Do you go days without repairing or resolving a conflict? Or are you quick to Getting Too Comfortable and Complacent in Your Marriage?
One thing is constant in every marriage – conflict. However, what matters most is how quickly and intentionally you work as a couple to resolve it. When conflicts are left unresolved, they can build resentment and create emotional distance between couples.
If you can go days or even weeks without addressing an issue as a couple, then you are making contributions that will negatively affect the health of your marriage.
On the other hand, if you then resolve to avoid getting into a conflict with your partner, you may develop passive-aggressive behaviour towards each other such as giving silent treatment or withholding affection.
Don’t wait for the “perfect time” to talk. Resolve small frustrations before they snowball into bigger problems.
3. How You Spend Your Seemingly Uneventful Everyday Moments
Do you take opportunities to show affection for each other in the day or do you spend moments of the day without noticing each other?
Check out any healthy marriage you admire. You most likely will notice that affection is expressed not just during special occasions but in the small, everyday moments.
Acts of affection-whether a smile, a gentle touch, or a kind word- are actions that keep marriages vibrant. You do not have to be grand or extravagant to be affectionate.
These little actions are a constant reminder to your partner that you love and appreciate them eventually leading to more emotional security.
Do you know that physical touch, such as holding hands or cuddling, releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” which helps reduce stress and fosters a sense of closeness?
As a couple, to prevent your relationship from falling into the “functional cycle”, it is important to regularly express spontaneous gestures of affection.
I watched a video where every time she’s in the kitchen, her husband always comes in to either kiss her or spank her. Whatever it was, she knew he’d always come just to be around her whenever she was in the kitchen.
It’s normal for couples to go through busy seasons, but it’s essential to make intentional efforts to notice and care for each other every day. These gestures don’t have to take a lot of time or effort—what matters most is consistency and sincerity.
4. How You Connect in The Start or End of The Day
Do you mostly give each other a boost of love in the start and end of your day or do you miss and ignore these crucial moments of the day?
The way you start and end your day as a couple impacts your emotional bond more than you think.
Imagine waking up to a good morning kiss from your partner and ending with warm cuddles after a stressful day. This may look or sound normal but it can have a profound effect on your relationship.
Why? Because these moments encourage you to pause and connect and see how each other is feeling. It ultimately affects your confidence throughout the day.
The worst way you can end the day and begin the next as a couple is by going to bed with unresolved conflicts. One rule I will readily recommend is that you never let the sun go down without finding solutions to whatever may be bothering your relationship. Even when you have not resolved the issue, you should try to go to sleep without a grudge.
Even on difficult days, knowing that you can start and end with affection and kindness from your partner helps relieve stress and boost emotional well-being.
Pro tip – As a couple, make it a habit each morning to hug each other before parting ways for the day, and at night, take a five-minute talk before bed to ask about how both of your days went.
5. How You Listen to The Promptings of The Holy Spirit
Do you listen to the Holy Spirit your helper or do you ignore his promptings and always listen to what your flesh wants to do?
In a marriage grounded in faith, the Holy Spirit offers gentle guidance to help you as a couple go through conflicts, be more forgiving and make selfless choices towards each other.
The Holy Spirit, often called the Helper, Counselor, or Comforter, offers divine insight that aligns with God’s will. When couples are attentive to the Spirit, they are empowered to respond to each other with grace and humility, even in challenging moments.
For example, the Spirit teaches couples to respond to each other with kindness, even during disagreements, reminding them to avoid harsh words and impatience (Galatians 5:22-23), pursue unity and peace, choosing love over pride (Colossians 3:14-15), and to sacrifice their own desires for the sake of their partner and the marriage (Philippians 2:3-4).
Couples must choose daily between following the Spirit’s leading or yielding to the desires of the flesh. The Holy Spirit gently encourages patience, forgiveness, and selflessness, helping couples build a marriage that reflects God’s love. When partners ignore these promptings and choose to follow their own emotions or pride, conflict and emotional distance grow.
However, by listening to the Holy Spirit, couples can build an environment around the home where there’s unity, peace, and joy.
Wrapping up
A great marriage doesn’t happen by chance; It is built on the intentional daily choices you make. How you communicate, how you express affection towards your partner, how you resolve conflicts and your ability to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit are significant changes that can change the trajectory of your marriage.
Joining my 30-Day Couples Reconnecting Challenge is a great choice you can make to positively affect the health of your marriage. Click here to begin.
