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Marriage is Hardwork, but also Rewarding: 3 Ways to Put in the Work in Your Marriage 

“Coach, marriage is hard. I mean really hard.”

I get these types of messages daily and I smile because it seems every married person seems to have relatable experiences. And that’s the beauty about experiences – You learn from one.

Building a great marriage is hardwork because it requires intentional efforts every day. You have to put in the work to get the rewards of a great marriage. It doesn’t come from wishful thinking or admiring someone’s marriage from afar.

A marriage is a partnership between two people. This means, each person must be committed to playing their own part in making it work.


In essence, prioritizing your marriage is making a decision to invest time, energy, and attention into its growth and development. If you are reading this and you think your marriage needs some hard work, here are three ways you can start making your hard work pay off.

1. How You Have Difficult Conversations

Hard: Having a difficult conversation and being brave enough to navigate the emotions and discomfort that comes with it.

Reward: More understanding, better connection and less resentment.

One of the most challenging yet biggest game changers in a marriage is the willingness to have difficult conversations with your partner.

Difficult conversations are not your day-to-day conversations- they involve raw emotions grievances that might have been buried for a long time or longstanding issues.

It takes courage to approach these conversations because often, you are afraid of hurting your partner or triggering their defences. The emotions that come with it – such as anger, sadness and even being vulnerable – can be uncomfortable to deal with.

However, as a couple, being able to go through this discomfort helps you create an environment where you can both be honest with each other. It is essential to have these conversations without escalating into conflicts.

Having these conversations helps to clear any misunderstandings that may have stayed longer than necessary. Eventually, you get to view each other’s perspectives, building deeper intimacy and a stronger connection.  

2. How Intentional You Get Overtime

Hardwork: Not falling into complacency. Being intentional about really showing your love for each other through your actions and the little things you do every day.

Reward: Feeling loved by each other and increased relationship happiness.

In a long-term relationship or marriage, it is easy to fall into routines where you get used to your partner’s expression of love and even take them for granted. Yet, to avoid this stage in your marriage, you need to be intentional and consistent.

In simple terms, it means to regularly check in with yourself and your partner to ensure you are both showing and expressing love and affection in ways that you can feel.

This begs the question – Do you know your partner’s love language? Are you expressing love in a way they understand?

It is about doing the small things that might seem insignificant but subconsciously, you are telling your partner, “Babe, I am intentional about caring for you.”


This level of effort can sometimes be demanding, especially with a busy schedule and all, but it’s these little gestures that communicate love more than grand gestures.

The result? When your partner feels seen and appreciated, it shows in your relationship.

Consciously taking time to learn how your partner wants to be loved and being intentional about putting that knowledge into practice strengthens the emotional bond you share with your partner.

Being intentional doesn’t just prevent complacency from setting in; it also builds a reservoir of positive feelings you can draw from when you feel low on emotions.

3. Sticking With Each Other Through Difficult Situations

Hardwork: Sticking through loving each other difficult seasons and changes that come with long-term marriages.

Reward: A stable and secure marriage built on a foundation of mutual partnership and resilient love.

Every relationship comes with its ups and downs. If you’re travelling, you will encounter slopy grounds, speed bumps and traffic lights. It’s the same thing with marriage.

You will encounter times of stress, personal struggles and changes related to your career, health, family and even personal growth. This is where most call it quits.

Sticking together through these challenging times requires a commitment as a couple to stay together no matter what happens. It means you have to master the art of sacrifices and learn new ways to offer support to your partner as these situations occur.

The end result is that you build a lasting sense of security and stability in your relationship. Your marriage becomes one that isn’t based on conditional love but one that has the ability to withstand challenges. This is what the Bible refers to as being one.

By overcoming life challenges together as a couple, you learn to develop a more resilient type of love that is reliable and based on trust.

Wrapping up

The real test of how much you want your marriage to change for the better comes when you have to make a deliberate decision to act on these tips I have shared. 

I am a big teacher of intentions and one of the best ways you can show how intentional you are about changing your marriage for the better is by joining my 30-Day Couples Reconnecting Challenge.

Click this link and let’s do the hard!

Picture of Ruth Esumeh

Ruth Esumeh

Ruth Esumeh is the founder of Ruth’s Marriage, a marriage counseling and relationship coaching company. She is a Certified Marriage Counselor and Therapist helping couples enjoy marriage, God’s way! Follow Ruth on all social media platforms.

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Confidentiality Policy

1. Introduction

At Ruth’s Marriage, we are committed to providing a safe and confidential environment for our clients. This confidentiality policy outlines how we handle your personal information and the limits to confidentiality that may apply during the course of marriage counseling sessions.

2. Confidentiality Assurance

2.1 Client-Counselor Privilege: All information shared during marriage counseling sessions is confidential. This means that your counselor will not disclose any information without your explicit written consent, except as required by law or ethical standards (see section 3).

2.3 Protection of Records: Client records, including session notes, assessments, and any other documentation, will be securely stored and only accessible to authorized personnel as outlined in section 4.

3. Limits to Confidentiality

3.1 Domestic Abuse or Physical Abuse: If there is reasonable report of
physical abuse, we are legally obligated to inform the victim to report this to the appropriate authorities.

3.2 Threats of Harm: If you pose a serious threat of harm to yourself or others, we may need to take steps to ensure safety, which may include disclosing relevant information to appropriate parties, such as law enforcement or medical professionals.

3.3 Court Orders: If a court orders the release of your counseling records, we may be required to comply with such an order.

3.4 Supervision and Consultation: Your counselor may consult with other mental health professionals for supervision and training purposes. In such cases, your identity will be kept confidential.

4. Access to Client Information

4.1 Authorized Personnel: Only authorized personnel, including your
counselor, and administrative staff, of Ruth’s Marriage will have access
to your information.

4.2 Security Measures: We take all reasonable measures to protect your
personal information, both in paper and electronic formats, from unauthorized access, disclosure, or alteration.

5. Client Consent

Before any disclosure beyond the limits outlined in this policy is made, we will seek your explicit written consent, explaining the purpose and recipients of the information to be disclosed.

6. Record Retention

Client records will be retained for a period determined by applicable laws and ethical standards. After the retention period expires, records will be securely destroyed.

7. Questions and Concerns

If you have any questions or concerns about our confidentiality policy, please feel free to discuss them with your counselor or write us at ruthsmarriage:gmail.com

8. Policy Updates

We may update this confidentiality policy from time to time to reflect changes in laws, regulations, or our counseling practices. You will be notified of any significant changes.

Cancellation Policy

$50 fee (converted to your currency rate at the point of payment)
CANCELLATIONS AND MISSED APPOINTMENTS

The client is expected to arrive on time for each booked session. A cancelled or postponed appointment slows down our work and might have a negative influence on other clients. Because your appointments include the reserve of time expressly for you, and out of mutual respect for each other and our other clients, postponing or cancelling an appointment requires a minimum of 24 hours’ notice in advance.

WHEN THE NO-SHOW/LATE CANCEL FEE IS WAIVED

This means if your appointment is supposed to be 9am on Wednesday and you wish to cancel, we expect to have received your email by 9am on Tuesday, then we can waive the cancellation fee. If we receive your cancellation later than that, then you will be charged the cancellation fee to have another appointment. Note that if your appointment is on a Monday, the cancellation needs to be provided no later than the prior Friday, by your appointment time, to be considered proper 24-hour notice.

If you can, we would appreciate more than 24-hour notice so that we can make that time available to other clients.

As a result, if you find out before the mandatory 24-hour notice that you will be unable to attend our session, please send an email so that we can fill your slot and place another client in your space who may require it. Counseling appointments are designated exclusively for our clients and are booked in advance. We are unable to cover this time slot by providing it to another client when a session is canceled without adequate notice. The email to send a cancellation notification to is ruthsmarriage@gmail.com

WHEN THE NO-SHOW/LATE CANCEL FEE IS WAIVED

This cancellation policy is only waived in the event of a serious sickness or emergency. Car accidents, family deaths, and severe illness are all examples of emergencies. In this case, if you are not physically able to cancel your appointment, you can get someone to write us an email on your behalf. Our cancellation policy applies even if the missed appointment was unintended. Work-related issues are not emergencies.

Late Cancellation Fees Process: Any session missed due to a cancellation less than 24 hours in advance will be assessed at $50/standard fee. You will be charged even if the cancellation was due to work or if you rescheduled the appointment without adequate notice. We will send you a payment link immediately to pay the cancellation fee before you can have another appointment or continue your sessions.

WAIT TIME GRACE PERIOD

Your wait time is kept to a minimum. Due to the length of time provided for each appointment, it is critical that you arrive on time for your appointments. If you are more than 10 minutes late to your appointment, we will have no choice but to reschedule your appointment and you will be responsible for the $50 fee of a no show. To avoid paying no show fees, we require at least twenty-four (24) hours’ notice for all cancellations (as described above). Both counselor and client have a grace period of 10 minutes.

RECURRING SESSIONS: CANCELLATION FEE PAYMENT ENFORCEMENT

For recurring therapy/counselling sessions, when you miss a session without adequate notice, you will pay the cancellation fee of $50 for that session, before another session. The same standard above applies for each session.

Ruth’s Marriage Counselling Services sends automated email reminders of forthcoming appointments as a courtesy. Whether or not you receive the text or email reminder, it is your sole duty to keep track of and attend any planned appointments/sessions on time. If your phone number or email address changes, please notify us via email.

We appreciate your understanding and our policy is hinged on the fact that a late cancel or no-show hurts at least three people: you, the counsellor, and another client who could have potentially utilized your time slot

THANK YOU

We value you and are committed to your journey, however, we can only accomplish this with your understanding of the obligations set forth in this policy. Time is of the essence in our practice and we encourage good use of time to accommodate more clients who need help. Thank you

Making a booking means you have accepted the terms guiding our Cancellation Policy.

I agree to the Confidentiality Policy and Cancellation Policy.