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Attention: 5 Warning Signs to Know If Your Marriage is Drifting Apart

Is Your Marriage Drifting Apart? 5 Warning Signs to Know If Your Marriage is Drifting Apart

Do you know, that according to research, between 40%-50% of all first marriages end in divorce?

This statistics shows that there is an alarming chance that 1 in every 2 marriages will lead to permanent separation.  

As true and scary as this sounds, it doesn’t have to apply to your marriage. The chance of you belonging to the 50% that stays together is high if you look out for signs that shows you are drifting apart.

No relationship leads to separation immediately. It usually starts small, almost without notice until issues escalate to the point where you can’t stand each other.

The good news is, I have identified these subtle signs that may go unnoticed so you can work on them together as a couple.

What are these signs? Well, keep reading on.

1. You’ve Stopped Being Nice to Each Other

Did you know that many couples are nicer to strangers, colleagues, church members and friends than to each other? When you stop being nice to your spouse, it takes out friendship and you start to feel like roommates.

Did reading that come as a surprise to you? Think about a situation where your spouse acted a certain way and your reaction to it. Would you have reacted the same way to a friend or a stranger?

It is easy to put your best character with new people. You’re polite, decent, and even show interest in their lives. But with your spouse, because of how comfortable you’ve gotten, you take them for granted and forget to treat them with kindness and empathy.

This can also be called over-familiarity. You assume you already know your partner, so you stop being nice and intentional with them

2. You’ve Stopped Laughing Together

Friendship is a foundation for intimacy in marriage. Couples become so negative and stop seeing the fun in their marriage anymore when they stop being friends. Even conversation becomes serious and combative. Start to create mutual language of fun and inside jokes.

Do you have a circle of friends where you can just make eye contact and you immediately know what it means? That’s more than a surface-level friendship.

Friendship is the fertile ground for intimacy to blossom in any marriage. If you’re not friends with your partner, why are you married to them?

Think back to the early days of your relationship. What kind of fun did you have together? Did you share silly jokes, have playful banter, or enjoy lighthearted activities?

Revisit those things! Plan a game night, go bowling, or watch a comedy show together. Laughter is a powerful tool for connection, and finding joy and funny moments together can do your marriage wonders.

Not every conversation has to be serious. Throw a random weird fact to your spouse or a flirty pick-up line.

“Are you a pie? Because I’d like a piece of you.” 

If you don’t bring back the fun, you will eventually start to drift apart and feel like housemates

3. You’ve Become More Critical Than Appreciative

The easiest place to notice fault is in marriage. You must be conscious about seeing the good in your spouse and vocalising it to them. You can’t only vocalise the bad to them, else, you will not like being around each other.  

After spending years together with your spouse, marriage can be a magnifying glass for exposing your flaws – yours and your spouse’s.

It is easy to focus on the negatives, the things they do wrong, that you forget to appreciate their rights – the good qualities in them. Our brains have been wired to focus more on wrongs than rights.

As a couple, it is important to commit on the positives than the negatives. Appreciating the positive qualities of your spouse strengthens their desire to continue such behaviour.

When you appreciate and acknowledge their efforts, whether big or small, they are more likely to repeat those actions.

On the other hand, constantly criticizing your partner creates a tense and defensive environment. If they know that all you do is complain about their actions, they are less likely to feel motivated to commit to making the relationship work.

Make a mental note to verbally appreciate something about your spouse each day. It could be a specific action they took, a trait they exhibited or just that you love having them around.

4. You No Longer Have Deep Meaningful Conversations

If all you talk about is surface level like one answer questions and you don’t care to share your thoughts, feelings, desires and dreams with each other, then you will become disconnected and feel like strangers in your home.

Now, this is not to say you should not discuss daily tasks as a couple. Rather, making preparations for things to do around the home shouldn’t be the only discussion you have with your spouse.

“Babe, what’s for dinner?”

“Honey, gas has finished”

Communicating on a deeper level means you can talk about your fears, dreams, vulnerabilities and insecurities as a couple. You talk about yours, and they talk about theirs.

Little actions like this and you’re creating an environment where you both consider yourselves as safe spaces.

It’s not just also about talking. It’s also about listening to your spouse. Discuss a chapter of a book you find fascinating.

Pro tip – mentally stimulating conversations almost immediately lead to sexually satisfying actions. Wink wink.

5. You’ve Put Sex on the Back Burner

If you do not prioritise sexual intimacy in your marriage, you are prioritising disconnection.

Sexual intimacy is very important in any marriage. It is a powerful way to express your deepest desires and affection for one another. The act of sex itself is a deeply intimate experience. It allows you to be vulnerable with your partner and explore pleasure together.

When your sex life as a couple starts to become a secondary priority, then you are slowly losing your physical attraction to each other.

If you have a precious gift, you’ll want it next to you almost all the time. You wouldn’t want it out of your sight.

Your partner is your precious gift. When you stop to crave their presence or touch around you, it is a sign you need to check what is happening.

Are you slowly losing sexual attraction for each other? Do you not crave them like it was in the beginning? Then read my book, Have Sex & Pray

Wrapping Up

It’s easy to drift apart in marriage, especially as you’ve been together for longer. The good news is once you notice it, start to engage in ways that help you to reconnect.

To help you reconnect with your spouse, my 30-Day Reconnecting Challenge is a great opportunity to start. Join almost a thousand couples who have experienced a positive change in their marriage with this challenge.

The next challenge starts September 1st! Sign up here!

Picture of Ruth Esumeh

Ruth Esumeh

Ruth Esumeh is the founder of Ruth’s Marriage, a marriage counseling and relationship coaching company. She is a Certified Marriage Counselor and Therapist helping couples enjoy marriage, God’s way! Follow Ruth on all social media platforms.

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Confidentiality Policy

1. Introduction

At Ruth’s Marriage, we are committed to providing a safe and confidential environment for our clients. This confidentiality policy outlines how we handle your personal information and the limits to confidentiality that may apply during the course of marriage counseling sessions.

2. Confidentiality Assurance

2.1 Client-Counselor Privilege: All information shared during marriage counseling sessions is confidential. This means that your counselor will not disclose any information without your explicit written consent, except as required by law or ethical standards (see section 3).

2.3 Protection of Records: Client records, including session notes, assessments, and any other documentation, will be securely stored and only accessible to authorized personnel as outlined in section 4.

3. Limits to Confidentiality

3.1 Domestic Abuse or Physical Abuse: If there is reasonable report of
physical abuse, we are legally obligated to inform the victim to report this to the appropriate authorities.

3.2 Threats of Harm: If you pose a serious threat of harm to yourself or others, we may need to take steps to ensure safety, which may include disclosing relevant information to appropriate parties, such as law enforcement or medical professionals.

3.3 Court Orders: If a court orders the release of your counseling records, we may be required to comply with such an order.

3.4 Supervision and Consultation: Your counselor may consult with other mental health professionals for supervision and training purposes. In such cases, your identity will be kept confidential.

4. Access to Client Information

4.1 Authorized Personnel: Only authorized personnel, including your
counselor, and administrative staff, of Ruth’s Marriage will have access
to your information.

4.2 Security Measures: We take all reasonable measures to protect your
personal information, both in paper and electronic formats, from unauthorized access, disclosure, or alteration.

5. Client Consent

Before any disclosure beyond the limits outlined in this policy is made, we will seek your explicit written consent, explaining the purpose and recipients of the information to be disclosed.

6. Record Retention

Client records will be retained for a period determined by applicable laws and ethical standards. After the retention period expires, records will be securely destroyed.

7. Questions and Concerns

If you have any questions or concerns about our confidentiality policy, please feel free to discuss them with your counselor or write us at ruthsmarriage:gmail.com

8. Policy Updates

We may update this confidentiality policy from time to time to reflect changes in laws, regulations, or our counseling practices. You will be notified of any significant changes.

Cancellation Policy

$50 fee (converted to your currency rate at the point of payment)
CANCELLATIONS AND MISSED APPOINTMENTS

The client is expected to arrive on time for each booked session. A cancelled or postponed appointment slows down our work and might have a negative influence on other clients. Because your appointments include the reserve of time expressly for you, and out of mutual respect for each other and our other clients, postponing or cancelling an appointment requires a minimum of 24 hours’ notice in advance.

WHEN THE NO-SHOW/LATE CANCEL FEE IS WAIVED

This means if your appointment is supposed to be 9am on Wednesday and you wish to cancel, we expect to have received your email by 9am on Tuesday, then we can waive the cancellation fee. If we receive your cancellation later than that, then you will be charged the cancellation fee to have another appointment. Note that if your appointment is on a Monday, the cancellation needs to be provided no later than the prior Friday, by your appointment time, to be considered proper 24-hour notice.

If you can, we would appreciate more than 24-hour notice so that we can make that time available to other clients.

As a result, if you find out before the mandatory 24-hour notice that you will be unable to attend our session, please send an email so that we can fill your slot and place another client in your space who may require it. Counseling appointments are designated exclusively for our clients and are booked in advance. We are unable to cover this time slot by providing it to another client when a session is canceled without adequate notice. The email to send a cancellation notification to is ruthsmarriage@gmail.com

WHEN THE NO-SHOW/LATE CANCEL FEE IS WAIVED

This cancellation policy is only waived in the event of a serious sickness or emergency. Car accidents, family deaths, and severe illness are all examples of emergencies. In this case, if you are not physically able to cancel your appointment, you can get someone to write us an email on your behalf. Our cancellation policy applies even if the missed appointment was unintended. Work-related issues are not emergencies.

Late Cancellation Fees Process: Any session missed due to a cancellation less than 24 hours in advance will be assessed at $50/standard fee. You will be charged even if the cancellation was due to work or if you rescheduled the appointment without adequate notice. We will send you a payment link immediately to pay the cancellation fee before you can have another appointment or continue your sessions.

WAIT TIME GRACE PERIOD

Your wait time is kept to a minimum. Due to the length of time provided for each appointment, it is critical that you arrive on time for your appointments. If you are more than 10 minutes late to your appointment, we will have no choice but to reschedule your appointment and you will be responsible for the $50 fee of a no show. To avoid paying no show fees, we require at least twenty-four (24) hours’ notice for all cancellations (as described above). Both counselor and client have a grace period of 10 minutes.

RECURRING SESSIONS: CANCELLATION FEE PAYMENT ENFORCEMENT

For recurring therapy/counselling sessions, when you miss a session without adequate notice, you will pay the cancellation fee of $50 for that session, before another session. The same standard above applies for each session.

Ruth’s Marriage Counselling Services sends automated email reminders of forthcoming appointments as a courtesy. Whether or not you receive the text or email reminder, it is your sole duty to keep track of and attend any planned appointments/sessions on time. If your phone number or email address changes, please notify us via email.

We appreciate your understanding and our policy is hinged on the fact that a late cancel or no-show hurts at least three people: you, the counsellor, and another client who could have potentially utilized your time slot

THANK YOU

We value you and are committed to your journey, however, we can only accomplish this with your understanding of the obligations set forth in this policy. Time is of the essence in our practice and we encourage good use of time to accommodate more clients who need help. Thank you

Making a booking means you have accepted the terms guiding our Cancellation Policy.

I agree to the Confidentiality Policy and Cancellation Policy.