Inside this Article
Over the years, I have realized that when it comes to talking about having fun in marriages, most couples picture these expensive actions that require time, money and sacrifices.
While this may work, if the foundation of your marriage is not built on a personal relationship with your partner, then you are just patching walls rather than fixing them up.
In this piece, I will be sharing 5 proof-filed ways to have fun in your marriage.
1. Your General Attitude
People think fun is about just doing things. Fun starts when you and your spouse are friendly towards each other. If being together is not fun, then you will not be motivated to do fun things. What’s your general disposition in the marriage? Is it friendly? Is it happy?
Ruth Esumeh
The general atmosphere of your home determines how much you can have fun as a couple and a family. When you are comfortable with your partner, you are more likely to enjoy spending time together and engaging in activities that you both enjoy.
Do you interact with your spouse as a friend or a housemate?
As a couple, creating a friendly atmosphere in your home encourages acts of kindness, humour and patience which naturally makes time spent together more enjoyable.
You laugh more easily, feel more relaxed and are less likely to become irritated over small issues. Even common activities, such as doing home chores can feel like a fun experience when the environment around your home is light-hearted.
If just being together with your partner feels good, you will be naturally inclined to seek out more fun activities together.
2. Your Interests, Their Interests
How do you strike a balance between what you like and what they like? The key is to approach each other’s with genuine curiosity and a desire to understand what your partner enjoys, even if it’s not your personal passion.
Ruth Esumeh
A marriage is a partnership between two people. When the focus is only on pleasing one person, the other partner may feel neglected. Striking a balance between what you enjoy and what your partner enjoys is essential for creating lasting fun and connection in your marriage. When you are curious about your partner, you signal that you value their happiness and what excites or relaxes them.
Even if an activity doesn’t naturally tickle your fancy, the fact that you are willing to engage shows your spouse that you respect and care about their world.
For example, if your spouse loves a hobby that you’re unfamiliar with—like hiking, painting, or watching a certain genre of movies—it’s an opportunity to have a feel of what interests them. By asking questions, learning, and participating, you make space for them to share something personal.
Overtime, what starts as “their hobby” or “their favourite activity” can become a mutual source of fun. You may start to find aspects of their interests that piques you and before you know it, you’re hooked too.
3. Your Everyday Moments
How you treat everyday moments in your marriage can either be fun or dull. We don’t find fun in just grand moments; we have fun in everyday life.
Ruth Esumeh
The way you treat your everyday interaction with your partner can determine whether your relationship feels fun, and vibrant or becomes routine and dull. Pay attention to how you treat everyday. There is no restriction to where you can have fun as a couple. Many people think fun only happens when you plan a big occasion- vacations, special dates, or milestone celebrations.
In reality, the essence of fun is how you treat the ordinary moments of daily life together. The seemingly ordinary moments are opportunities for you to connect, laugh and enjoy each other’s company if approached with the right mindset.
For example, instead of treating going to the market as a chore, you can turn it into an adventure. Who can find the cheapest price for a product in the least possible time? Cooking dinner together can be an opportunity to try out new recipes you came across on social media together.
Maintaining a playful attitude in your marriage is one of the key things to keep things light and fun. Playfulness isn’t reserved for children alone. It is a way to avoid falling into the routine of family life. Imagine if every time you want to do a chore, you’re always sharing inside jokes with your partner, do you think you’ll find the atmosphere around working at home boring?
Here’s a list of games you can try out with your partner today.
4. Your Time and Intentionality
You may need to plan to have fun activities. If your entire schedule is packed with work and parenting to-dos with no opportunity for the two of you to be together alone, you will struggle with fun, so pay attention to your time.
Ruth Esumeh
In a busy marriage, it is easy to get into the pitfall of routine where your time is focused on managing tasks- getting the kids ready, doing housework or discussing finances. Yes, these responsibilities are important, but they do not nourish the emotional and playful aspects of your relationship.
Planning fun activities ensures that your relationship continues to feel vibrant and connected. It also reminds both of you that your relationship is a priority, not just something that happens in the background while you focus on everything else. Couples who regularly engage in fun activities together report feeling closer, more satisfied, and more emotionally in sync.
Without intentionally carving out time for fun and alone time as a couple, your relationship can easily become consumed by the demands of daily life. For example, if you and your spouse find that weeknights are too busy with kids’ activities and work, you might plan for an at-home date night after the kids are in bed.
5. The State of Your Marriage
If your marriage is low on love and you have been disconnected for a while, you will feel like housemates and not friends or lovers.
Ruth Esumeh
You have to be honest with yourself about lingering disconnection that has refused to go away: low love tanks and a pattern of disconnection and negativity. You can form a new pattern with some structure and intention.
Emotional disconnection can affect how much fun you have with your partner. When there’s a lingering disconnection in your marriage, it can feel as if you are living with a roommate in the hostel rather than a partner, friend or lover.
Disconnection in marriage doesn’t just happen overnight. It often builds gradually, through unresolved conflicts, not spending quality time together, or unmet emotional needs.
When you fail to tend to your relationship, it will begin to feel emotionally draining leading to a pattern of negativity or indifference. This “low love tank” means that neither you nor your partner feels emotionally fulfilled, making it difficult to engage in fun, spontaneous, or affectionate moments.
Before you can get back to having a fun-filled marriage, it is important to be honest with your spouse about the current state of your relationship. If you’ve been feeling like housemates rather than partners, it’s important to acknowledge those feelings without blame, creating space for open and honest communication.
Once you have acknowledged the disconnection, the next step is to intentionally create new patterns that build connection, love and fun. While being spontaneous and playful is great, they often don’t come naturally in a relationship that’s been running on empty.
This is where structure and intentionality come in—you have to plan for connection and create opportunities to rebuild emotional intimacy.
Wrapping Up
When a marriage feels boring or disconnected, it is easy to lose sight of the fun and joy that you once enjoyed at the beginning of your relationship. Most marriages tend to go downhill from here.
However, yours do not have to be so. By taking intentional actions, you can turn the heat in your marriage by spicing it up with these patterns I have identified.
A highly effective action you can take today to save your marriage is to join our 30-Day Couples Reconnecting Challenge. Almost a thousand couples have been on this challenge and sent me several transformative feedback on their marriage.
