Have you ever thought about what makes a marriage truly intimate? Or have you wondered how to be really intimate with your partner? Intimacy goes beyond physical connection. It is deeper than holding hands and public displays of affection. It is about building a deep emotional bond with your partner.
It is a deeper level of connection from the physical to the emotional aspect of your marriage. It takes work and effort to build intimacy.
If you have been in your marriage for a while, it is easy to lose sight of these perspectives that could improve your intimacy in your marriage.
So my advice is; to always keep these 4 perspectives I’m about to share in mind to help you build an intimate marriage:
1. You Must Go Beyond “Marrying Right” to “Loving Right”
It does not end at marrying right. Staying in love and loving the person you married right requires knowledge, intentionality and consistent effort else you can have the right one and still have a wrong marriage.
Finding the right person is just the beginning. The delusion that many couples fall into is the trap of believing that love and intimacy will magically sustain themselves after the wedding bells ring.
Truth be told, love evolves. The passionate head-over-heels feelings you naturally felt at the beginning would require you to nurture them so they move from just surface feelings to a deeper emotional bond.
Imagine you had a garden to nurture. The first step to growing beautiful flowers is selecting the perfect seeds. But to see your garden blossom, you need to consistently care for it.
Your marriage is like that garden. The right person is like selecting the right seeds. But to see your marriage blossom, you have to tend to it. This comes by consciously creating an environment where both of you are willing to work through any difficulty together and nurture what you share
What level of effort are you willing to commit daily to improving the health of your marriage, individually and as a couple?
2. You Must Like Each Other And Not Just Love Each Other
Liking each other comes from how you build friendships. Love is a gift and a command. Nobody likes someone rude, dismissive, disrespectful and unfriendly. You must make it easy for your spouse to like you.
One of the building elements of a strong marriage is friendship and friendship is built on mutual respect and kindness. Look, it is okay to be passionate but being friends with your lover is a recipe for a long-lasting relationship.
Think of it- you’ve ended romantic relationships before but you still have friends from a long time back. Now, imagine having both a friend and a partner in one person.
With a friend, you have shared interests, laughter and a comfortable companionship where you can truly be yourselves.
Friendship can be developed and it can also fade out; if we do not want it to die, we must cultivate friendship by learning to value rag others opinions, laugh together, spend quality time doing things you love, respect each other’s boundaries and don’t take your friendship for granted
3. You Must Be Willing to Communicate Beyond the Surface Level
Open and honest communication is critical to intimacy. Creating a safe space to share vulnerably and respectfully is a major determinant of feeling connected or disconnected.
The importance of open communication cannot be overemphasized in any relationship. It allows you to build a safe space where you can both express yourselves freely without being judged.
Communicating as a couple is not about pointing fingers or keeping scores on who did wrong. If you are working towards building a healthy marriage, then you must put effort as a couple to truly understand each other’s needs, feelings and needs.
It is normal to disagree in your marriage. It is almost inevitable. But being able to communicate on a deeper level is the tool to effectively go through disagreements as a couple.
If your partner doesn’t know you beyond what everyone knows, then there is a disconnect brewing somewhere.
4. You Must Be Willing to Act Even When You Don’t Feel
Acting in love without feeling in love is one of the hardest things to do. It is also one of the fastest ways to transform a marriage. You must act based on your commitment not on your feelings.
At the beginning of every romantic relationship, there is always the feeling of emotional connection that makes you feel butterflies in your stomach. So in these times, you tend to act a lot
However, as you begin to spend years in marriage, you realise that marriage requires more than just what you feel to keep your relationship alive.
When the feelings start to wane, because it surely will, what do you do?
Well, love isn’t just a feeling; it is a choice you make every day.
Sometimes, feelings can be fickle, but our actions leave lasting impressions on our partners. You’ve heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than voice.”
By choosing to consciously act with love, even when you don’t feel like it, you are telling your spouse that you are committed to the relationship.
The positive thing about acting in love even when you do not feel it is that it has the power to bring back the feelings of love.
Think of it, as you consistently put effort into showing your partner affection and care despite all odds, what’d you think their reaction would be?
In Summary
In my work with couples, I have realised that the longer marriages are, the likelihood that both partners are to act nonchalantly towards each other.
And this shouldn’t be so because marriage as a long-term partnership is so that, as a couple, you can grow deeper in loving and understanding of each other as the years go by.
To help couples refocus on these perspectives and intentionally move their marriage forward to a place of deeper intimacy, I created the 30-Day Couples Reconnecting Challenge – where I simplified how to make positive changes in your marriage and help you refocus on more loving actions, better communication and respectful partnership. In 30 days, I will personally guide you to build a habit of reconnection that you can hang on to even after.
The next challenge starts September 1st! Click this link to read all the details about the challenge and see why over a thousand couples have been on the challenge
