Let’s take a trip down memory lane. When you met your partner, you were very attracted to them and mostly felt a huge sense of passion.
This manifested on both an emotional and physical level. The two of you were inseparable, and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Infact, it took a lot for you not to engage in sexual intimacy as Christians who believed in “No sex before marriage”. You got married and felt like you were on top of the world, the passion continued. You probably were having sex more than once in a day. You couldn’t imagine you’d ever lose that spark.
But things have changed. Over time, you now find yourself struggling to have sex. It seems like that spark and fire has died. The marriage is still on, but you’ve lost that spark and intimacy you need to keep your love alive. Don’t sit back and accept a sexless marriage as normal. You can learn how to bring back the passion you once had and learn to reconnect with your spouse again.
Sex is a crucial part of a happy marriage. Studies have shown that couples with a healthy sex life enjoy stronger and more fulfilling relationships. There are several factors that could lead to a sexless marriage ranging from being too comfortable and complacent, stress, life demands and work, health issues and so on. However, when we are open and honest with each other and communicate openly about our desires and needs, then we can tackle the situation and find a balance that works for both partners.
Before you continue reading, if you desire a more vibrant sex life with your spouse, then make sure to get my new book, Have Sex & Pray;
In this book, I did not only teach you how to enjoy an exciting sex life, I also demystified some mindsets that could have been holding you back from enjoying an exciting and pleasurable sex life in your marriage. It’s a must read for that couple who desires a better and more fulfilling sexual relationship. Here are 5 quick ways to re-ignite your sex life in marriage
5 Ways to Get your Sex Life Back
1. THINK about sex:
Sex begins from the mind. If the mind is disconnected, the body will be disconnected. It’s really a mental marathon before it becomes a physical tango. There are so many things that could pre-occupy your mind in marriage– work stress, laundry piles, house chores, kids activities etc. With all these mental load, your marriage can easily become a long list of to-dos and you are left with no mental space for intimacy.
So you need to get your mind preoccupied with sex. First off, think about the time when you could not get your hands off your spouse, imagine how having sex with them felt and the feelings of passion you had. Use your imagination, reminisce on those times you got caught slow-dancing in the kitchen in your PJs, giggling like teenagers? Or that weekend getaway where the sparks flew like fireworks. Let those memories flood back in, painting your thoughts with a lot of desire.
Preparing your brain for sex is your responsibility. Once your brain is prepared, your body will follow.
2. TALK about sex:
Tease about your sexual fantasies, positions you like, and the good sex you have had. Send flirty messages to each other when you are apart. Talking about sex reminds you of how pleasurable sex is between the two of you and keeps you in the mood.
Whisper naughty innuendos at breakfast, send suggestive texts during your workday (think steamy stickers, not project updates!), or leave little love notes hidden in unexpected places for your spouse to discover. It’s all about planting those sexy seeds in each other’s minds, letting them sprout into anticipation that’s ripe for picking
3. SCHEDULE sex:
You want to know a little bit more about how my husband and I keep the passion alive in our relationship? Well, we have a little secret: we sometimes schedule sex dates! I know – it might sound a bit unromantic at first, but hear me out. The thing is, we both have super busy schedules and sometimes it can be tough to find time for intimacy. That’s why scheduling sex dates has been one of the most effective things we’ve done for each other. It makes the two of us look forward to sex, and it helps us to prioritize it rather than leaving it to chance.
Now, I know some of you might be thinking, “But isn’t that kind of weird? Like, doesn’t it take the spontaneity out of it?” Well, I can tell you from experience that it’s the opposite. When you know that you have a special night planned, it can make the anticipation even more exciting. So, my advice to you is this: if you’re struggling to find time for intimacy in your relationship, consider scheduling some sex dates. Put it on the calendar- Sex day!
4. TOUCH a lot:
How often do you touch your spouse? Oh, not to worry, it’s not that complicated. I’m just going to suggest some fun ways to add more physical affection to your daily routines. First things first, hugs and kisses! Make sure to give each other a warm embrace and a sweet kiss every day. And, why stop there? Brush your bodies against each other, hold hands, and touch a lot as you walk pass each other during the day. The more you are physically affectionate during the day, the easier it is to be sexually intimate after the day’s work.
5. PLAN for date nights:
Let’s talk about date nights! You know, that special time you set apart to focus on each other and just enjoy each other’s company. It can be as fancy as a five-star restaurant or as simple as a cozy night in your living room.
The point is to get away from the daily grind and connect with your significant other in a meaningful way. Now, some people might think that date nights are just for those who can afford to splurge on fancy dinners and expensive outings. But that’s not true! In fact, some of the best date nights can happen right in the comfort of your own home. You could cook a nice meal together, play some board games, or even binge-watch your favorite TV show. The key is to create an atmosphere that allows you both to relax, connect and be intimate .
When you prioritize sex in your marriage, you will start to experience a new level of intimacy like you once had at the onset of your relationship. Sex is a way to deepen your bond and cultivate affection and love in your marriage. Understanding the importance of sex in marriage can help us lead happier lives together. Sex is good for the two of you in marriage.
If you think your marriage is experiencing a major disconnection, I will recommend you Sign Up for The 30-Day Couples Reconnecting Challenge starting February 1st.
This challenge has been a game changer for most of our couples. And guess what, it doesn’t require you sitting in front of a counselor. I look forward to supporting your marriage through this challenge!
About the Author
Ruth Esumeh is the founder of Ruth’s Marriage Counseling Services, a marriage counseling and coaching company that focuses on helping couples enjoy their marriage God’s way. She is a marriage counselor & therapist, an author, and a public speaker on marriage and relationship matters.
