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Sex in Marriage: How to Get Your Sex Life Back as a Couple

Written by: Ruth Esumeh
sex

Let’s take a trip down memory lane. When you met your partner, you were very attracted to them and mostly felt a huge sense of passion.

This manifested on both an emotional and physical level. The two of you were inseparable, and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Infact, it took a lot for you not to engage in sexual intimacy as Christians who believed in “No sex before marriage”. You got married and felt like you were on top of the world, the passion continued. You probably were having sex more than once in a day. You couldn’t imagine you’d ever lose that spark.

But things have changed. Over time, you now find yourself struggling to have sex. It seems like that spark and fire has died. The marriage is still on, but you’ve lost that spark and intimacy you need to keep your love alive. Don’t sit back and accept a sexless marriage as normal. You can learn how to bring back the passion you once had and learn to reconnect with your spouse again.

Sex is a crucial part of a happy marriage. Studies have shown that couples with a healthy sex life enjoy stronger and more fulfilling relationships. There are several factors that could lead to a sexless marriage ranging from being too comfortable and complacent, stress, life demands and work, health issues and so on. However, when we are open and honest with each other and communicate openly about our desires and needs, then we can tackle the situation and find a balance that works for both partners.

Before you continue reading, if you desire a more vibrant sex life with your spouse, then make sure to get my new book, Have Sex & Pray;

In this book, I did not only teach you how to enjoy an exciting sex life, I also demystified some mindsets that could have been holding you back from enjoying an exciting and pleasurable sex life in your marriage. It’s a must read for that couple who desires a better and more fulfilling sexual relationship. Here are 5 quick ways to re-ignite your sex life in marriage

5 Ways to Get your Sex Life Back

1. THINK about sex:

Sex begins from the mind. If the mind is disconnected, the body will be disconnected. It’s really a mental marathon before it becomes a physical tango. There are so many things that could pre-occupy your mind in marriage– work stress, laundry piles, house chores, kids activities etc. With all these mental load, your marriage can easily become a long list of to-dos and you are left with no mental space for intimacy.

So you need to get your mind preoccupied with sex. First off, think about the time when you could not get your hands off your spouse, imagine how having sex with them felt and the feelings of passion you had. Use your imagination, reminisce on those times you got caught slow-dancing in the kitchen in your PJs, giggling like teenagers? Or that weekend getaway where the sparks flew like fireworks. Let those memories flood back in, painting your thoughts with a lot of desire.

Preparing your brain for sex is your responsibility. Once your brain is prepared, your body will follow.

2. TALK about sex:

Tease about your sexual fantasies, positions you like, and the good sex you have had. Send flirty messages to each other when you are apart. Talking about sex reminds you of how pleasurable sex is between the two of you and keeps you in the mood.

Whisper naughty innuendos at breakfast, send suggestive texts during your workday (think steamy stickers, not project updates!), or leave little love notes hidden in unexpected places for your spouse to discover. It’s all about planting those sexy seeds in each other’s minds, letting them sprout into anticipation that’s ripe for picking

3. SCHEDULE sex:

You want to know a little bit more about how my husband and I keep the passion alive in our relationship? Well, we have a little secret: we sometimes schedule sex dates! I know – it might sound a bit unromantic at first, but hear me out. The thing is, we both have super busy schedules and sometimes it can be tough to find time for intimacy. That’s why scheduling sex dates has been one of the most effective things we’ve done for each other. It makes the two of us look forward to sex, and it helps us to prioritize it rather than leaving it to chance.

Now, I know some of you might be thinking, “But isn’t that kind of weird? Like, doesn’t it take the spontaneity out of it?” Well, I can tell you from experience that it’s the opposite. When you know that you have a special night planned, it can make the anticipation even more exciting. So, my advice to you is this: if you’re struggling to find time for intimacy in your relationship, consider scheduling some sex dates. Put it on the calendar- Sex day!

4. TOUCH a lot:

How often do you touch your spouse? Oh, not to worry, it’s not that complicated. I’m just going to suggest some fun ways to add more physical affection to your daily routines. First things first, hugs and kisses! Make sure to give each other a warm embrace and a sweet kiss every day. And, why stop there? Brush your bodies against each other, hold hands, and touch a lot as you walk pass each other during the day. The more you are physically affectionate during the day, the easier it is to be sexually intimate after the day’s work.

5. PLAN for date nights:

Let’s talk about date nights! You know, that special time you set apart to focus on each other and just enjoy each other’s company. It can be as fancy as a five-star restaurant or as simple as a cozy night in your living room.

The point is to get away from the daily grind and connect with your significant other in a meaningful way. Now, some people might think that date nights are just for those who can afford to splurge on fancy dinners and expensive outings. But that’s not true! In fact, some of the best date nights can happen right in the comfort of your own home. You could cook a nice meal together, play some board games, or even binge-watch your favorite TV show. The key is to create an atmosphere that allows you both to relax, connect and be intimate .

When you prioritize sex in your marriage, you will start to experience a new level of intimacy like you once had at the onset of your relationship. Sex is a way to deepen your bond and cultivate affection and love in your marriage. Understanding the importance of sex in marriage can help us lead happier lives together. Sex is good for the two of you in marriage.

If you think your marriage is experiencing a major disconnection, I will recommend you Sign Up for The 30-Day Couples Reconnecting Challenge starting February 1st.

This challenge has been a game changer for most of our couples. And guess what, it doesn’t require you sitting in front of a counselor. I look forward to supporting your marriage through this challenge!

About the Author

Ruth Esumeh is the founder of Ruth’s Marriage Counseling Services, a marriage counseling and coaching company that focuses on helping couples enjoy their marriage God’s way. She is a marriage counselor & therapist, an author, and a public speaker on marriage and relationship matters.

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Ruth Esumeh

Ruth Esumeh is the founder of Ruth’s Marriage, a marriage counseling and relationship coaching company. She is a Certified Marriage Counselor and Therapist helping couples enjoy marriage, God’s way! Follow Ruth on all social media platforms.

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Confidentiality Policy

1. Introduction

At Ruth’s Marriage, we are committed to providing a safe and confidential environment for our clients. This confidentiality policy outlines how we handle your personal information and the limits to confidentiality that may apply during the course of marriage counseling sessions.

2. Confidentiality Assurance

2.1 Client-Counselor Privilege: All information shared during marriage counseling sessions is confidential. This means that your counselor will not disclose any information without your explicit written consent, except as required by law or ethical standards (see section 3).

2.3 Protection of Records: Client records, including session notes, assessments, and any other documentation, will be securely stored and only accessible to authorized personnel as outlined in section 4.

3. Limits to Confidentiality

3.1 Domestic Abuse or Physical Abuse: If there is reasonable report of
physical abuse, we are legally obligated to inform the victim to report this to the appropriate authorities.

3.2 Threats of Harm: If you pose a serious threat of harm to yourself or others, we may need to take steps to ensure safety, which may include disclosing relevant information to appropriate parties, such as law enforcement or medical professionals.

3.3 Court Orders: If a court orders the release of your counseling records, we may be required to comply with such an order.

3.4 Supervision and Consultation: Your counselor may consult with other mental health professionals for supervision and training purposes. In such cases, your identity will be kept confidential.

4. Access to Client Information

4.1 Authorized Personnel: Only authorized personnel, including your
counselor, and administrative staff, of Ruth’s Marriage will have access
to your information.

4.2 Security Measures: We take all reasonable measures to protect your
personal information, both in paper and electronic formats, from unauthorized access, disclosure, or alteration.

5. Client Consent

Before any disclosure beyond the limits outlined in this policy is made, we will seek your explicit written consent, explaining the purpose and recipients of the information to be disclosed.

6. Record Retention

Client records will be retained for a period determined by applicable laws and ethical standards. After the retention period expires, records will be securely destroyed.

7. Questions and Concerns

If you have any questions or concerns about our confidentiality policy, please feel free to discuss them with your counselor or write us at ruthsmarriage:gmail.com

8. Policy Updates

We may update this confidentiality policy from time to time to reflect changes in laws, regulations, or our counseling practices. You will be notified of any significant changes.

Cancellation Policy

$50 fee (converted to your currency rate at the point of payment)
CANCELLATIONS AND MISSED APPOINTMENTS

The client is expected to arrive on time for each booked session. A cancelled or postponed appointment slows down our work and might have a negative influence on other clients. Because your appointments include the reserve of time expressly for you, and out of mutual respect for each other and our other clients, postponing or cancelling an appointment requires a minimum of 24 hours’ notice in advance.

WHEN THE NO-SHOW/LATE CANCEL FEE IS WAIVED

This means if your appointment is supposed to be 9am on Wednesday and you wish to cancel, we expect to have received your email by 9am on Tuesday, then we can waive the cancellation fee. If we receive your cancellation later than that, then you will be charged the cancellation fee to have another appointment. Note that if your appointment is on a Monday, the cancellation needs to be provided no later than the prior Friday, by your appointment time, to be considered proper 24-hour notice.

If you can, we would appreciate more than 24-hour notice so that we can make that time available to other clients.

As a result, if you find out before the mandatory 24-hour notice that you will be unable to attend our session, please send an email so that we can fill your slot and place another client in your space who may require it. Counseling appointments are designated exclusively for our clients and are booked in advance. We are unable to cover this time slot by providing it to another client when a session is canceled without adequate notice. The email to send a cancellation notification to is ruthsmarriage@gmail.com

WHEN THE NO-SHOW/LATE CANCEL FEE IS WAIVED

This cancellation policy is only waived in the event of a serious sickness or emergency. Car accidents, family deaths, and severe illness are all examples of emergencies. In this case, if you are not physically able to cancel your appointment, you can get someone to write us an email on your behalf. Our cancellation policy applies even if the missed appointment was unintended. Work-related issues are not emergencies.

Late Cancellation Fees Process: Any session missed due to a cancellation less than 24 hours in advance will be assessed at $50/standard fee. You will be charged even if the cancellation was due to work or if you rescheduled the appointment without adequate notice. We will send you a payment link immediately to pay the cancellation fee before you can have another appointment or continue your sessions.

WAIT TIME GRACE PERIOD

Your wait time is kept to a minimum. Due to the length of time provided for each appointment, it is critical that you arrive on time for your appointments. If you are more than 10 minutes late to your appointment, we will have no choice but to reschedule your appointment and you will be responsible for the $50 fee of a no show. To avoid paying no show fees, we require at least twenty-four (24) hours’ notice for all cancellations (as described above). Both counselor and client have a grace period of 10 minutes.

RECURRING SESSIONS: CANCELLATION FEE PAYMENT ENFORCEMENT

For recurring therapy/counselling sessions, when you miss a session without adequate notice, you will pay the cancellation fee of $50 for that session, before another session. The same standard above applies for each session.

Ruth’s Marriage Counselling Services sends automated email reminders of forthcoming appointments as a courtesy. Whether or not you receive the text or email reminder, it is your sole duty to keep track of and attend any planned appointments/sessions on time. If your phone number or email address changes, please notify us via email.

We appreciate your understanding and our policy is hinged on the fact that a late cancel or no-show hurts at least three people: you, the counsellor, and another client who could have potentially utilized your time slot

THANK YOU

We value you and are committed to your journey, however, we can only accomplish this with your understanding of the obligations set forth in this policy. Time is of the essence in our practice and we encourage good use of time to accommodate more clients who need help. Thank you

Making a booking means you have accepted the terms guiding our Cancellation Policy.

I agree to the Confidentiality Policy and Cancellation Policy.