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3 Lessons I Learned on Maturity in Marriage and You Should Know Too

Written by: Ruth Esumeh
3 Lessons I Learned on Maturity in Marriage and You Should Know Too

As I reflect on my marriage and the numerous couples I have had the privilege of working with, I have come to realize that maturity in marriage is a journey, not a destination. After saying “I do,” we often have a lot of expectations and demands, hoping that our spouse will be the source of our joy and completeness. However, the harsh reality is that our spouse is just as flawed and human as we are.

Today, I will be sharing three lessons I have learned about maturity in marriage that have transformed my own marriage and those of other couples I have worked with. 

These lessons have taught me that maturity is not about achieving perfection but about embracing progress, imperfections, and the ups and downs of life together.

1. Maturity in marriage is knowing that you don’t need to have a perfect marriage to enjoy your marriage.

One of the major misconceptions about marriage is that it needs to be perfect. We often believe that a successful marriage is free from conflicts, disagreements, and challenges. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Maturity in marriage means that you recognize that perfection is an illusion and that it’s okay to have an imperfect marriage. 

When you let go of the need for perfection, you create space for growth, learning, and exploration. You begin to see your spouse and your marriage as a work in progress, rather than a finished product. This mindset will allow you to focus on the present moment rather than getting bogged down by unrealistic expectations.

For instance, instead of expecting your spouse to always know how to make you happy, you can learn to communicate your needs and desires effectively. Instead of assuming that your spouse will never make mistakes, you can develop a growth mindset that allows you to learn from each other’s mistakes and imperfections. The lesson here is that you don’t need to have a perfect marriage before you enjoy the current marriage you have. 

2. Maturity in marriage is knowing that your spouse cannot meet all your emotional needs – They are not God.

Another important lesson I have learned about maturity in marriage is that your spouse cannot meet all your emotional needs, because they are not God. This is a very hard pill to swallow, especially for those who have been ingrained with the idea that their partner should be their everything.

The truth, however, is that your spouse is a human being with their own flaws, limitations, and imperfections. They cannot be your everything, and it’s unfair to expect them to be. Maturity in marriage means recognizing that your emotional needs are complex, and you need to look beyond your spouse to meet all of them. They can support you but they can’t be solely responsible for all your needs especially because they have their own emotional needs as well

This might mean looking into God to bring you completeness, developing meaningful friendships and communities outside of your marriage, pursuing hobbies that bring you joy, or seeking therapy and counselling to work through your emotional challenges. By recognizing that your spouse cannot meet all your emotional needs, you can take responsibility for your own emotional well-being and create a more balanced and fulfilling marriage. 

3. Maturity in marriage is knowing there will be good days and bad days. Don’t waste your energy on the bad days.

Lastly, maturity in marriage means learning to deal with the ups and downs of life together as they come. Marriage is a journey, not a destination, and it’s filled with twists and turns that can either bring you and your partner together or drive you further apart.

Maturity in marriage also means recognizing that there will be good days and bad days. The way you handle the bad days will determine how quickly you get back to the good days. On  a journey, you encounter bumps and sometimes delays, however what is crucial is you solve the problem quickly and get back on your journey. That’s what I mean by good days and bad days. 

This could mean learning to communicate effectively, even when you are feeling overwhelmed or frustrated. It means developing a sense of resilience and adaptability so that you can handle life’s challenges together. It means learning to overlook offended and resolve conflicts quickly. Don’t waste time on the bad days. Learn from them and move on to continue enjoying the marriage.

Wrapping Up

Remember that maturity in marriage is about embracing who you both are now, your progress, imperfections, and the ups and downs of life together, and choosing to enjoy every moment of it. 

If you are in a difficult place in your marriage, I’m inviting you to book an individual or couples session with me. Let’s work together to create the marriage you have always wanted.

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Ruth Esumeh

Ruth Esumeh is the founder of Ruth’s Marriage, a marriage counseling and relationship coaching company. She is a Certified Marriage Counselor and Therapist helping couples enjoy marriage, God’s way! Follow Ruth on all social media platforms.

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Confidentiality Policy

1. Introduction

At Ruth’s Marriage, we are committed to providing a safe and confidential environment for our clients. This confidentiality policy outlines how we handle your personal information and the limits to confidentiality that may apply during the course of marriage counseling sessions.

2. Confidentiality Assurance

2.1 Client-Counselor Privilege: All information shared during marriage counseling sessions is confidential. This means that your counselor will not disclose any information without your explicit written consent, except as required by law or ethical standards (see section 3).

2.3 Protection of Records: Client records, including session notes, assessments, and any other documentation, will be securely stored and only accessible to authorized personnel as outlined in section 4.

3. Limits to Confidentiality

3.1 Domestic Abuse or Physical Abuse: If there is reasonable report of
physical abuse, we are legally obligated to inform the victim to report this to the appropriate authorities.

3.2 Threats of Harm: If you pose a serious threat of harm to yourself or others, we may need to take steps to ensure safety, which may include disclosing relevant information to appropriate parties, such as law enforcement or medical professionals.

3.3 Court Orders: If a court orders the release of your counseling records, we may be required to comply with such an order.

3.4 Supervision and Consultation: Your counselor may consult with other mental health professionals for supervision and training purposes. In such cases, your identity will be kept confidential.

4. Access to Client Information

4.1 Authorized Personnel: Only authorized personnel, including your
counselor, and administrative staff, of Ruth’s Marriage will have access
to your information.

4.2 Security Measures: We take all reasonable measures to protect your
personal information, both in paper and electronic formats, from unauthorized access, disclosure, or alteration.

5. Client Consent

Before any disclosure beyond the limits outlined in this policy is made, we will seek your explicit written consent, explaining the purpose and recipients of the information to be disclosed.

6. Record Retention

Client records will be retained for a period determined by applicable laws and ethical standards. After the retention period expires, records will be securely destroyed.

7. Questions and Concerns

If you have any questions or concerns about our confidentiality policy, please feel free to discuss them with your counselor or write us at ruthsmarriage:gmail.com

8. Policy Updates

We may update this confidentiality policy from time to time to reflect changes in laws, regulations, or our counseling practices. You will be notified of any significant changes.

Cancellation Policy

$50 fee (converted to your currency rate at the point of payment)
CANCELLATIONS AND MISSED APPOINTMENTS

The client is expected to arrive on time for each booked session. A cancelled or postponed appointment slows down our work and might have a negative influence on other clients. Because your appointments include the reserve of time expressly for you, and out of mutual respect for each other and our other clients, postponing or cancelling an appointment requires a minimum of 24 hours’ notice in advance.

WHEN THE NO-SHOW/LATE CANCEL FEE IS WAIVED

This means if your appointment is supposed to be 9am on Wednesday and you wish to cancel, we expect to have received your email by 9am on Tuesday, then we can waive the cancellation fee. If we receive your cancellation later than that, then you will be charged the cancellation fee to have another appointment. Note that if your appointment is on a Monday, the cancellation needs to be provided no later than the prior Friday, by your appointment time, to be considered proper 24-hour notice.

If you can, we would appreciate more than 24-hour notice so that we can make that time available to other clients.

As a result, if you find out before the mandatory 24-hour notice that you will be unable to attend our session, please send an email so that we can fill your slot and place another client in your space who may require it. Counseling appointments are designated exclusively for our clients and are booked in advance. We are unable to cover this time slot by providing it to another client when a session is canceled without adequate notice. The email to send a cancellation notification to is ruthsmarriage@gmail.com

WHEN THE NO-SHOW/LATE CANCEL FEE IS WAIVED

This cancellation policy is only waived in the event of a serious sickness or emergency. Car accidents, family deaths, and severe illness are all examples of emergencies. In this case, if you are not physically able to cancel your appointment, you can get someone to write us an email on your behalf. Our cancellation policy applies even if the missed appointment was unintended. Work-related issues are not emergencies.

Late Cancellation Fees Process: Any session missed due to a cancellation less than 24 hours in advance will be assessed at $50/standard fee. You will be charged even if the cancellation was due to work or if you rescheduled the appointment without adequate notice. We will send you a payment link immediately to pay the cancellation fee before you can have another appointment or continue your sessions.

WAIT TIME GRACE PERIOD

Your wait time is kept to a minimum. Due to the length of time provided for each appointment, it is critical that you arrive on time for your appointments. If you are more than 10 minutes late to your appointment, we will have no choice but to reschedule your appointment and you will be responsible for the $50 fee of a no show. To avoid paying no show fees, we require at least twenty-four (24) hours’ notice for all cancellations (as described above). Both counselor and client have a grace period of 10 minutes.

RECURRING SESSIONS: CANCELLATION FEE PAYMENT ENFORCEMENT

For recurring therapy/counselling sessions, when you miss a session without adequate notice, you will pay the cancellation fee of $50 for that session, before another session. The same standard above applies for each session.

Ruth’s Marriage Counselling Services sends automated email reminders of forthcoming appointments as a courtesy. Whether or not you receive the text or email reminder, it is your sole duty to keep track of and attend any planned appointments/sessions on time. If your phone number or email address changes, please notify us via email.

We appreciate your understanding and our policy is hinged on the fact that a late cancel or no-show hurts at least three people: you, the counsellor, and another client who could have potentially utilized your time slot

THANK YOU

We value you and are committed to your journey, however, we can only accomplish this with your understanding of the obligations set forth in this policy. Time is of the essence in our practice and we encourage good use of time to accommodate more clients who need help. Thank you

Making a booking means you have accepted the terms guiding our Cancellation Policy.

I agree to the Confidentiality Policy and Cancellation Policy.

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