What if I told you that you are still deeply in love with your partner? No matter what season of marriage you are in, the love is still there, just that it’s buried under layers of disconnection. Your marriage has become too focused on to-do lists, the kids, arguments, and everything else except prioritising intimacy between the two of you.
Over time, you have encountered moments of disconnection and now you are stuck in a season where the spark between you and your partner feels very dim. But the truth is you didn’t fall out of love: you simply don’t “feel” in love anymore. And I get it. No one gets married to live like housemates. The goal of marriage is to feel connected, cherished and deeply loved.
In this season of disconnection, you have likely stopped acting in love towards each other. Your “love tank” is running on empty because there’s nothing to draw from. It’s like a garden that’s not being watered. Without care, attention and nurturing, it withers. However, the moment you start creating little moments of reconnection every day, you will begin to feel in love again.
The good news is; that it’s possible to rekindle the intimacy in your marriage and you need just three key things. Let’s discuss them.
1. Be Intentional
The first step to rekindling intimacy in your marriage is to “be intentional”. Intentionality is the cornerstone of any thriving relationship. It’s about making a conscious decision to prioritise your spouse and your connection even when life feels overwhelming. The truth is marriage isn’t always easy. Between work, kids, bills and other responsibilities, it’s very easy to let your relationship fall to the bottom of your priority list. But the thing is; intimacy doesn’t happen by chance. It requires deliberate effort.
Being intentional means creating opportunities for connection between the both of you even in the smallest ways. It could be as simple as leaving a note on the bathroom mirror, sending flirty texts during the day, or even setting aside a few minutes before bed to talk about your day. These acts may seem small and insignificant, but they add up over time. You are showing your spouse that they matter to you.
One of the most powerful ways to be intentional is to schedule regular date nights. Yes, you must schedule them. If you want to wait for the perfect moment, it may never come. Life is busy and if you don’t intentionally carve out time for each other, it’s very easy to drift apart. These date nights don’t have to be extravagant —they just need to be meaningful. It may be a cozy dinner at home, a walk in the park, or a fun activity you both enjoy, the goal is to focus on each other and reconnect (find that initial spark).
Another way to show intentionality is to initiate conversations that goes beyond the surface. Ask your spouse about their dreams, fears and aspirations. Share your thoughts and feelings openly too. These deep, meaningful conversations can reignite the emotional intimacy that may have faded over time.
2. Be Present
The second key to rekindling intimacy is to “be present”. In today’s tech-driven world, it’s very easy to be physically present but absent emotionally. You might be sitting next to your spouse on the couch, but your mind is elsewhere —scrolling through social media, thinking about work, or mentally mapping out the next day’s schedule. Being present means giving your spouse your undivided attention, even if it’s just a couple of minutes.
When you are present, you are fully engaged in the moment. You are listening to your spouse with your whole heart, not just waiting for your turn to speak. You are noticing little things like the way they smile, the sound of their laughter, and the sparkle in their eyes. These small details can reignite the connection and passion you once shared.
One way to be more present is to create a “technology-free zone” in your home. Make it a rule to put away phones, TVs and other devices during meals or immediately before bed. Use this time to connect with each other without distractions. Another way to be present is to practice active listening. When your partner is talking, focus on what they are saying instead of thinking about how you will respond. Even when you don’t agree with everything they are saying, show empathy and understanding.
Being present also means being attuned to your spouse’s needs and desires. Pay attention to their love language—whether it’s words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts or quality time —and make conscious effort to speak their language regularly. When you are present, you create a safe space for vulnerability and connection to flourish.
3. Be Consistent
The third way you can rekindle intimacy in your marriage is to be consistent. Consistency is what turns small, intentional actions into lasting changes. It’s easy to have a heartfelt conversation or romantic date night and feel closer for a day or two,but true intimacy requires continuous effort. Think of it like watering a plant, you can’t water it once and expect it to thrive. You need to nurture it consistently over time.
Consistency means showing up for your spouse everyday, even when it’s hard. It means choosing love, even when you don’t feel like it. It means that even when life gets extra busy, you are choosing to make intimacy with your partner a priority. Consistency builds trust and security in your marriage, which are important for a deep and long lasting intimacy.
One way you can be consistent is by establishing a daily routine. For example, begin each day with a hug and a kiss or end each day by sharing one thing you appreciate about each other. These small consistent actions can have a big impact on your relationship over time.
Another way to maintain consistency in your marriage is to keep the romance alive. Surprise your spouse with little gestures of love, like leaving a sweet note in their lunch bag or planning a surprise date night. You can keep the spark alive by flirting with each other, even after years of marriage. Remember, romance isn’t reserved for the early stage of a relationship, it’s for every stage.
Wrapping Up
Finally, rekindling intimacy in your marriage isn’t just about grand gestures or overnight transformations. It’s about the small intentional, consistent actions you take every day to prioritise your relationship. It’s about being present, showing up for each other and nurturing the love that brought you together in the first place.
If you are ready to take the next step, I invite you to join the “28 Days Lovers Again Challenge”. Over 28 days, you will learn simple, effective and intentional actions that will help you rekindle intimacy and start feeling in love again. You will discover new ways to initiate deep, meaningful conversations, engage in fun activities and create a lasting connection with your spouse.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, and not endured. Let’s stop living together and start being lovers for life. If you are ready to reignite the spark in your marriage, join the challenge now.
