Many couples believe that intimacy fades because of big issues like financial stress, or major disagreements. But the truth is, intimacy is often lost in the small, everyday moments that go unnoticed. Over time, these tiny neglects add up, creating distance between partners who once felt deeply connected.
Intimacy isn’t just about physical closeness; it’s about emotional connection, warmth, and the little habits that keep love alive. When couples stop paying attention to these small but powerful actions, their bond weakens without them even realizing it.
Here are 5 ways couples unconsciously lose their intimacy.
1. When they wake up and go about their day without greeting each other with a boost of love and warmth
How you start your day as a couple sets the tone for their entire relationship. If one or both of you wake up, check their phones, rush through their morning routine, and leave the house without a loving greeting, you miss a crucial opportunity to connect and unconsciously start to lose intimacy in your marriage if this continues.
A simple “Good morning, love”, a warm hug, or a sweet kiss in the morning lets them know they are still important to you. When this habit disappears, you begin to feel like roommates rather than lovers.
This is important because the first interaction of the day influences moods and attitudes for the whole day, and a loving start creates a positive emotional connection that carries through the day. Ignoring each other in the morning makes it easier to drift apart over time.
2. When they no longer feel the need to appreciate each other for their contributions and effort in marriage.
At the beginning of the relationship, you often said ”thank you” for the smallest things like a home-cooked meal, a helping hand, or even just listening after a long day. But over time, many couples stop appreciating each other because they start to see these actions as expected rather than precious gifts.
When one partner cooks every day, cleans, works hard, or takes care of the kids, and the other doesn’t acknowledge it, resentment builds. The unspoken thought becomes: “Why should I thank them? It’s their job.” This is another way you start losing intimacy in your marriage.
Appreciation is very important in marriages because everyone thrives when they feel seen and valued. Lack of appreciation makes people feel taken for granted, and you don’t want your spouse to feel that way. Plus small daily acknowledgments keep love and respect alive.
3. When they no longer smile at each other, instead when their eyes cross paths and they keep a frown or just ignore each other’s faces
A smile is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to stay connected. When couples are deeply in love, they smile when they see each other, their eyes light up, their faces soften, and they feel happy just being in the same room.
But when you start losing intimacy in your marriage, you stop smiling. You might cross paths with your spouse without a glance, keep a neutral (or even grumpy) expression, or simply ignore each other’s presence.
Smiling is very important in marriages, as a smile aimed at your partner says, “I see you, and I’m happy you are here.” Lack of smiling can create an emotional distance, and when paired with negative facial expressions like a frown builds walls between couples.
4. When they no longer touch each other for no reason. They walk past each other and don’t care to give a touch
Touch is a fundamental human need, especially in romantic relationships. Couples who are deeply intimate touch often—holding hands, hugging, a gentle pat on the back, or a playful squeeze.
But when you start losing intimacy in your marriage, touch becomes rare and limited to just sex or necessary moments (like passing something). You now walk past each other without a brush of the hand, sit on opposite sides of the couch, and sleep without cuddling.
You might be thinking touching in marriage should be mainly for sex, but that’s wrong. Non-sexual touch releases oxytocin (the love hormone), which strengthens the bond between you and your spouse. Lack of touch makes partners feel emotionally disconnected from you, and this eventually leads to physical distance which creates an emotional distance.
5. When they no longer do things together. They become more task-driven individually than team-driven.
In the early stages of love, you do everything together, including cooking, errands, and watching movies; even mundane tasks that feel fun because they’re done as a team. But over time, many couples become more task-driven than relationship-driven.
You now divide chores, spend your free time separately, and stop sharing experiences. One might watch TV while the other scrolls on their phone. You also stop laughing together, exploring together, or simply enjoying each other’s company. Unconsciously, you have started losing intimacy in your marriage.
Doing things together is an important part of being a couple because shared experiences create memories and strengthen your bond. Doing things alone often makes couples feel like strangers. Also, lack of quality time kills emotional and physical intimacy in marriage.
Wrapping Up
Intimacy doesn’t disappear overnight, it fades in small, unnoticed moments. The good news? You can rebuild it just as easily. By bringing back warm greetings, appreciation, smiles, touch, and shared moments, you rekindle the spark that made you fall in love.
If you’re ready to take the next step in rekindling intimacy in your marriage, join the 28 DAYS LOVERS AGAIN CHALLENGE, a guided program where I help you and your partner restore intimacy, communication, and passion in your marriage.
