Building a healthy marriage is one of the most rewarding yet challenging endeavours you can undertake. It’s not something that happens by chance or luck; it requires effort, intentionality, and selflessness. A healthy marriage is built, not found. If you desire a marriage filled with love, a great connection, deeper intimacy, and better conversations, you must be willing to put in the work.
A healthy marriage is not about perfection but about progress. It’s about two people who are committed to growing together, even when the journey gets tough. In this article, we will talk about the essential requirements for building a strong, healthy, lasting marriage.
1. A Healthy Marriage is Built by Two People Who Remember Each Other’s Strengths and Forgive Each Other’s Flaws
One of the fundamental requirements for building a healthy marriage is the ability to focus on your partner’s strengths rather than their flaws. No one is perfect, and expecting perfection from your spouse will only lead to disappointment. Instead, choose to celebrate the qualities that drew you to them in the first place.
If your partner is forgetful but incredibly kind and generous, focus on their kindness rather than their forgetfulness. This shift in your perspective can change your marriage. It creates an environment of positivity and appreciation, which is important for long-term happiness.
Also, it’s very important to forgive. Holding onto grudges or resentment can poison your marriage. Forgiveness doesn’t mean issues or allowing bad behaviours to continue. It means choosing to let go of anger and bitterness so you can move forward together.
2. A Healthy Marriage is Built by Two People Who Know That Love is Not a Feeling. So Even When They Don’t Feel, They Choose to Love by Their Actions
Most people enter into marriage believing that love is all about butterflies and passion. While those feelings are wonderful, they are not the foundation of a lasting marriage. Love is a choice; a daily decision to show up for your partner, even when you don’t feel like it.
This means choosing to act with kindness, patience and understanding, even during hard times. For example, if you are feeling frustrated with your spouse, you should calmly express your feelings rather than lashing out. Or, if you are feeling disconnected from them, you might want to have a meaningful conversation or plan a date night with them to reconnect.
When you view love as a choice, you take control of your marriage. You stop waiting for the “right” feelings to come along and start creating the love you want through your actions.
3. A Healthy Marriage is Built by Two People Who do not Scream or Shut Down When Conversations are Hard but Learn to Listen, Speak Respectfully, Understand Their partner’s Perspective and Regulate Their Emotions
Communication is the lifeblood of any marriage. However, it’s not just about talking; it’s about how you talk to each other. A healthy marriage requires the ability to communicate respectfully even during difficult conversations.
This means avoiding harmful behaviours like name-calling, screaming or shutting down. Instead, practice active listening, where you truly try to understand your spouse’s perspective. Use “I” statements to express your feelings, like “I feel hurt when…” rather than saying” You always….” This approach reduces defensiveness and gives room for empathy.
Also, you must learn to regulate your emotions during conflicts. Take a break if you feel overwhelmed, but commit to returning to the conversation once you have calmed down. By communicating respectfully, you create a safe space for open and honest dialogue, which is vital for resolving conflicts and strengthening your marriage.
4. A Healthy Marriage is Built by Two People Who Take Accountability for Their Actions and How They Show Up in the Marriage, and do not Put Every Blame on Their Spouse
A healthy marriage requires personal accountability. This means owning up to your mistakes and taking responsibility for how you show up in the marriage. It’s easy to blame your spouse when things go wrong, but this only creates a cycle of defensiveness and resentment.
Instead, focus on what you can control like your actions and attitudes. For instance, if you have been neglecting your partner’s needs, acknowledge it and take the necessary steps to change. If you have said something hurtful, apologize sincerely and work on improving your communication.
Being accountable shows your partner that you value your marriage and are committed to making it work. Also, it sets a good example, encouraging your spouse to do the same.
5. A Healthy Marriage is Built by Two People Who Initiate Repair and Resolve Conflicts Quickly Without Letting it Lead to Bitterness and Resentment
Conflict is inevitable in any marriage, but how you handle it can make all the difference. Couples in healthy marriages don’t avoid conflicts; they address them head-on and work to resolve them quickly. Allowing conflicts to fester can lead to bitterness and resentment, which can destroy your connection over time.
To constructively resolve conflicts, focus on finding solutions to the matter at hand rather than winning arguments. Listen to your partner’s perspective, validate their feelings and work together to find a middle ground. For example, if you are arguing about the house chores, you can create a chores schedule/calendar together that feels fair to both of you.
Initiating repairing after a fight is also important. This should involve apologizing, spending quality time together to reconnect and appreciating each other. By resolving conflicts quickly and constructively, you are preventing small issues from turning into major problems.
6. A Healthy Marriage is Built by Two People Who Make Time for Affection, Physical Intimacy and Emotional Connection
Affection and intimacy are essential components for building a healthy marriage. They create a sense of closeness and connection that goes beyond the day-to-day routine. However, intimacy isn’t just about physical touch, it’s about emotional connection.
Always make time to show your partner affection, it could be through holding hands, hugging, or kissing. These small gestures of love can have a huge impact on your marriage. Also, prioritize physical intimacy by creating a safe and loving environment where both of you feel comfortable expressing your desires.
Emotional connection is equally very important. Share your thoughts, feelings and dreams with your spouse. Ask them meaningful questions like “What’s one thing I can do to make you feel more loved?”, or “What’s something you are proud of lately?” By nurturing both physical and emotional intimacy, you keep the spark alive and deepen your bond.
Wrapping Up
A healthy marriage doesn’t happen by accident. It’s the result of consistent effort, intentional choices and a commitment to growth. By focusing on each other’s strengths, choosing to love through actions, communicating respectfully, taking accountability, resolving conflicts constructively, and prioritizing intimacy, you can build a marriage that thrives.
If your marriage has lost its spark and you are beginning to feel like roommates then, you should join my 28 DAYS LOVERS AGAIN CHALLENGE. This is a program designed to help reignite the spark, deepen your connection, and move you form roommates zone to Lovers Again. Over the course of 28 days, you will learn fun, flirty and intentional activities that will bring you and your spouse closer together. You will also learn proven communication tools, how to have deeper conversations and playful ways to keep your romance alive.Imagine feeling like new lovers again; deeply in love with butterflies and the fireworks. Begin your journey to creating a love story that stands the test of time by joining the 28 DAYS LOVERS AGAIN CHALLENGE today!
