“Coach, marriage is hard. I mean really hard.”
I get these types of messages daily and I smile because it seems every married person seems to have relatable experiences. And that’s the beauty about experiences – You learn from one.
Building a great marriage is hardwork because it requires intentional efforts every day. You have to put in the work to get the rewards of a great marriage. It doesn’t come from wishful thinking or admiring someone’s marriage from afar.
A marriage is a partnership between two people. This means, each person must be committed to playing their own part in making it work.
In essence, prioritizing your marriage is making a decision to invest time, energy, and attention into its growth and development. If you are reading this and you think your marriage needs some hard work, here are three ways you can start making your hard work pay off.
1. How You Have Difficult Conversations
Hard: Having a difficult conversation and being brave enough to navigate the emotions and discomfort that comes with it.
Reward: More understanding, better connection and less resentment.
One of the most challenging yet biggest game changers in a marriage is the willingness to have difficult conversations with your partner.
Difficult conversations are not your day-to-day conversations- they involve raw emotions grievances that might have been buried for a long time or longstanding issues.
It takes courage to approach these conversations because often, you are afraid of hurting your partner or triggering their defences. The emotions that come with it – such as anger, sadness and even being vulnerable – can be uncomfortable to deal with.
However, as a couple, being able to go through this discomfort helps you create an environment where you can both be honest with each other. It is essential to have these conversations without escalating into conflicts.
Having these conversations helps to clear any misunderstandings that may have stayed longer than necessary. Eventually, you get to view each other’s perspectives, building deeper intimacy and a stronger connection.
2. How Intentional You Get Overtime
Hardwork: Not falling into complacency. Being intentional about really showing your love for each other through your actions and the little things you do every day.
Reward: Feeling loved by each other and increased relationship happiness.
In a long-term relationship or marriage, it is easy to fall into routines where you get used to your partner’s expression of love and even take them for granted. Yet, to avoid this stage in your marriage, you need to be intentional and consistent.
In simple terms, it means to regularly check in with yourself and your partner to ensure you are both showing and expressing love and affection in ways that you can feel.
This begs the question – Do you know your partner’s love language? Are you expressing love in a way they understand?
It is about doing the small things that might seem insignificant but subconsciously, you are telling your partner, “Babe, I am intentional about caring for you.”
This level of effort can sometimes be demanding, especially with a busy schedule and all, but it’s these little gestures that communicate love more than grand gestures.
The result? When your partner feels seen and appreciated, it shows in your relationship.
Consciously taking time to learn how your partner wants to be loved and being intentional about putting that knowledge into practice strengthens the emotional bond you share with your partner.
Being intentional doesn’t just prevent complacency from setting in; it also builds a reservoir of positive feelings you can draw from when you feel low on emotions.
3. Sticking With Each Other Through Difficult Situations
Hardwork: Sticking through loving each other difficult seasons and changes that come with long-term marriages.
Reward: A stable and secure marriage built on a foundation of mutual partnership and resilient love.
Every relationship comes with its ups and downs. If you’re travelling, you will encounter slopy grounds, speed bumps and traffic lights. It’s the same thing with marriage.
You will encounter times of stress, personal struggles and changes related to your career, health, family and even personal growth. This is where most call it quits.
Sticking together through these challenging times requires a commitment as a couple to stay together no matter what happens. It means you have to master the art of sacrifices and learn new ways to offer support to your partner as these situations occur.
The end result is that you build a lasting sense of security and stability in your relationship. Your marriage becomes one that isn’t based on conditional love but one that has the ability to withstand challenges. This is what the Bible refers to as being one.
By overcoming life challenges together as a couple, you learn to develop a more resilient type of love that is reliable and based on trust.
Wrapping up
The real test of how much you want your marriage to change for the better comes when you have to make a deliberate decision to act on these tips I have shared.
I am a big teacher of intentions and one of the best ways you can show how intentional you are about changing your marriage for the better is by joining my 30-Day Couples Reconnecting Challenge.
Click this link and let’s do the hard!
