When I hear most singles talk about compatibility in a relationship, I hear things like “Oh, she’s so good at singing and I play the keyboard well. We go together like juice and ice.”
“I love to play sports in my free time and she’s a big football fan.”
While this looks like compatibility, it is NOT what compatibility really is.
Compatibility is NOT about the two of you having similar dreams, goals, interests or hobbies. You can have similar life goals/dreams and not be compatible, meaning, just because he is a guitarist and you are a singer does not mean compatibility.
Another myth surrounding compatibility is that it happens naturally and doesn’t require effort. It is natural to misconceive chemistry for compatibility but while chemistry might play a role in any relationship, sustaining it for the long involves compatibility efforts I will be sharing later.
In addition, some believe that if a couple disagrees frequently, then that means they are automatically incompatible. However, that is not so. In fact, if you can handle disagreements in a way that allows better understanding, then you are compatible.
In reality, compatibility is about complementing each other not mirroring each other.
What then does compatibility mean?
Compatibility in a relationship refers to a situation where two individuals share the same values, beliefs, and mindset. It is the values, mindset and beliefs that make you compatible not because you have the same dreams or have the same visions. Your goals/vision might be different but if your mindsets are aligned, you can both fulfil your dreams.
If you are looking to build a long-term relationship with your partner, then building compatibility must be your one goal. When you are compatible with your partner, you are more likely to understand each other’s needs and work through conflicts constructively.
With compatibility, your relationship feels more like teamwork. Without compatibility, even love and passion can be overshadowed by constant quarrels and unmet expectations which can lead to dissatisfaction or even separation.
Signs of Compatibility in Your Relationship
One of the signs that you are compatible with your partner is the core values you share. Core values form the foundation of our beliefs and guide how we make decisions.
A person who beliefs in honesty would shun telling lies to anyone. On the other hand, a person who sees nothing wrong with cutting corners will find it okay to tell lies.
If you are in a relationship, check your core values. What values do you share in common? What is their spiritual belief like? A shared value ensures that you have a mutual moral compass reducing friction in fundamental life areas such as parenting, financial planning and lifestyle.
Respect is another sign of compatibility in any relationship. It involves acknowledging your partner’s boundaries, opinions and the characteristics that make them who they are. Why is respect important as a sign of compatibility?
When disagreements arise, couples who respect each other would listen to the opinions of their partners and value their perspectives. In other words, you know you will not always see eye to eye with your partner on certain topics but that doesn’t stop you from learning and growing together with them.
Next on our list of signs of compatibility is the ability to compromise. Like I said earlier, no two people will agree on everything which makes the ability to compromise essential for long-term relationships.
Compromise means finding that middle ground where you both feel accommodative. Now this doesn’t mean one person always sacrifices their wants, but rather that you both are willing to adjust when necessary.
Do you know that you can build Compatibility in Your Relationship?
The first step in building compatibility with your partner is through communication. As simple as it sounds, it is probably the hardest to do and the easiest if and when done right. Communication is the backbone of any successful relationship and improving your communication strategy as a couple over time improves your compatibility.
Effective communication involves actively listening to your partner not to judge or respond, but to feel and understand their perspective. As communication improves, so does the ability to resolve conflicts.
Secondly, embrace flexibility. You see, life is full of unexpected changes and couples who can adapt to new circumstances are more likely to maintain long-term compatibility. Be open to accommodating your partners’ evolving needs, preferences and priorities. Just because they preferred a particular thing in the past does not mean it cannot change. Rather than rigidly clinging to events or routines in the past, look out for changing patterns in your partner’s behaviour and embrace the growth.
Finally, do not sleep on your individual and collective growth. As a person, how much do you put into developing your physical, mental, spiritual and sexual health? If your partner is way ahead of you in terms of personal growth and development, you may find it difficult to feel their point of view on matters.
In Summary
To be frank, building compatibility in a relationship does not happen at once or as we say in Gen Z language “in view once.” It is a continuous process that happens even in marriage.
The key is to continuously nurture the emotional connection you share with your partner through effective communication and adapting to each changing situation to ensure the long-term success of your relationship.
As a single person planning to marry, it is important to get counselling before making your big decision. For relationship clarity and premarital counselling, click on this link to get started.
