If you desire to have an intimate marriage, you must pay attention to the choices you are making every single day. Intimacy doesn’t just happen; it’s cultivated through intentional actions, habits and attitudes. The Way you interact with your spouse, handle conflicts and prioritize your relationship shaped the quality of your connection. As time goes on, these daily choices either build a strong, loving bond or create distance and disconnection. The good news is you have the power to choose intimacy every day. Let’s discuss these five important daily choices that can either make or break the intimacy in your marriage.
1. Your General Disposition and Attitude in the Marriage
Your attitude sets the tone for your entire relationship. It’s the lens through which your spouse experiences you everyday. Are you generally loving, friendly and responsive, or are you harsh, dismissive and disrespectful? Your disposition matters because it shapes how safe, valued and appreciated your spouse feels in the relationship.
Think about it, if your spouse approaches you with warmth and kindness, but you respond with irritation or indifference, it creates a disconnect. Over time, these small moments of negativity can add up, eroding the emotional intimacy between you. On the other hand, when you choose to approach your spouse with love and respect, even in the midst of stress or frustration, you create an environment where intimacy thrives.
Here’s is a simple but powerful question to ask yourself daily: “Am I bringing positivity or negativity into my marriage today?” Your attitude is a choice, and it’s one of the most important choices you will make. Choose kindness, choose patience, and choose love, even when it’s hard.
2. Your Approach to Misunderstandings, Conflicts and Issues
Conflicts are unavoidable in marriage, but how you handle it makes all the difference. Do you let misunderstanding fester for days, or are you quick to repair, apologize and move on? The way you approach conflicts can either strengthen your bond or create a growing divide.
Many couples fall into the trap of avoiding conflict altogether, sweeping issues under the rug to keep the peace. But unresolved conflicts don’t just disappear, they build up, creating resentment and emotional distance. On the other hand, some couples engage in destructive conflict patterns, yelling, blaming or shutting down, which only makes things worse.
The key is to approach conflicts with a mindset of resolution and connection. Instead of seeing your spouse as the enemy, see them as your partner in solving the problem. Practice active listening, take responsibility for your part, and be willing to apologize when necessary. Remember, it’s not about winning the argument: it’s about understanding each other and finding a way forward together. When you handle conflicts with care and respect, you create a safe space for intimacy to grow.
3. Your Daily Rituals, Routine and Habits
Daily rituals are the glue that holds a marriage together. They are small consistent actions that keep you connected even in the midst of life’s chaos. Do you have daily rituals that help you stay close as a couple or do you spend your days just managing tasks and to dos?
Most couples fall into the trap of letting their return on autopilot. They get so caught up in work, parenting and other responsibilities that they forget to prioritize their connection. Butt intimacy can’t survive in a vacuum, it requires intentional effort. That’s where this daily rituals come in.
Here are few examples of daily rituals you can practice:
Start your day with a few minutes of quality time; whether it’s sharing a cup of coffee, talking about your plans for the day or simply hugging and saying “I love you.” You can also take a few minutes during the day to check in with each other. Ask your spouse how they are feeling, what’s on their mind and how you can support them. Then you can end the day by reconnecting, whether it’s cuddling on the couch, sharing highlights from your day, or praying together.
These rituals don’t have to be elaborate or time consuming, what matters is that they are consistent and meaningful. When you prioritize these moments of connection, you create a strong foundation for intimacy.
4. Your Tone and Your Communication Pattern
The way you speak to your spouse matters. Do you communicate with respect and love, or are you quick to lash out, raise your voice or speak harshly? Your tone and communication pattern have a profound impact on the emotional climate of your marriage.
Words have power, they can build up or tear down, heal or hurt. When you speak to your spouse with kindness and respect, you create an atmosphere of trust and safety. But when you use harsh words or critical tone, you build distance and defensiveness.
Pay attention to how you communicate, especially during moments of stress or conflicts. Are you speaking to your spouse in a way that reflects love and respect? Are you listening with an open heart, or are you just waiting for your turn to speak? Remember, communication is not just about what you say; it’s also about how you say it. Choose your words carefully, and let your tone reflect the love you have for your spouse.
5. How You Welcome and Part With Each Other Daily
The way you greet and say goodbye to your spouse might seem insignificant, but it’s actually a very important way to nurture intimacy. Do you welcome each other like you are happy to see each other or have you become too familiar and stopped prioritizing these moments?
Think about the early days of your relationship, how you greeted each other with excitement and affection, and saying goodbye felt bittersweet. But as the relationship ages, it’s easy to let these moments become routine or even overlooked. You might walk in the door without a greeting or leave without a kiss, assuming your spouse knows how you feel.
However, these moments of connection matter. You are simply telling your pattern “I’m glad we are in this together and I love you”. When you make an effort to greet your spouse warmly and say goodbye with affection, you reinforce your bond and create a sense of closeness. It’s a small choice but it can have a big impact on your relationship.
Wrapping Up
An intimate marriage doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not something you stumble upon or find; it’s something you create with the choices you make every day. From your attitude and communication to your daily rituals and conflict resolution, every choice you make shapes the quality of your connection.
If you’ve recognized areas where you could improve, don’t be discouraged. The fact that you’re aware of these choices is a sign that you care about your relationship and want to make it better. And the good news is, it’s never too late to start making intentional, loving choices that nurture intimacy.
If you’re ready to take your marriage to the next level, the 28 Days Lovers Again Challenge is here to help. This transformative program is designed to guide you and your spouse in rebuilding intimacy, rekindling the spark, and creating a stronger, more connected relationship.
To join this challenge, click here to sign up. Your marriage is worth the effort. Take the first step today and create the intimate, loving relationship you’ve always wanted.
