Do you know, that according to research, between 40%-50% of all first marriages end in divorce?
This statistics shows that there is an alarming chance that 1 in every 2 marriages will lead to permanent separation.
As true and scary as this sounds, it doesn’t have to apply to your marriage. The chance of you belonging to the 50% that stays together is high if you look out for signs that shows you are drifting apart.
No relationship leads to separation immediately. It usually starts small, almost without notice until issues escalate to the point where you can’t stand each other.
The good news is, I have identified these subtle signs that may go unnoticed so you can work on them together as a couple.
What are these signs? Well, keep reading on.
1. You’ve Stopped Being Nice to Each Other
Did you know that many couples are nicer to strangers, colleagues, church members and friends than to each other? When you stop being nice to your spouse, it takes out friendship and you start to feel like roommates.
Did reading that come as a surprise to you? Think about a situation where your spouse acted a certain way and your reaction to it. Would you have reacted the same way to a friend or a stranger?
It is easy to put your best character with new people. You’re polite, decent, and even show interest in their lives. But with your spouse, because of how comfortable you’ve gotten, you take them for granted and forget to treat them with kindness and empathy.
This can also be called over-familiarity. You assume you already know your partner, so you stop being nice and intentional with them
2. You’ve Stopped Laughing Together
Friendship is a foundation for intimacy in marriage. Couples become so negative and stop seeing the fun in their marriage anymore when they stop being friends. Even conversation becomes serious and combative. Start to create mutual language of fun and inside jokes.
Do you have a circle of friends where you can just make eye contact and you immediately know what it means? That’s more than a surface-level friendship.
Friendship is the fertile ground for intimacy to blossom in any marriage. If you’re not friends with your partner, why are you married to them?
Think back to the early days of your relationship. What kind of fun did you have together? Did you share silly jokes, have playful banter, or enjoy lighthearted activities?
Revisit those things! Plan a game night, go bowling, or watch a comedy show together. Laughter is a powerful tool for connection, and finding joy and funny moments together can do your marriage wonders.
Not every conversation has to be serious. Throw a random weird fact to your spouse or a flirty pick-up line.
“Are you a pie? Because I’d like a piece of you.”
If you don’t bring back the fun, you will eventually start to drift apart and feel like housemates
3. You’ve Become More Critical Than Appreciative
The easiest place to notice fault is in marriage. You must be conscious about seeing the good in your spouse and vocalising it to them. You can’t only vocalise the bad to them, else, you will not like being around each other.
After spending years together with your spouse, marriage can be a magnifying glass for exposing your flaws – yours and your spouse’s.
It is easy to focus on the negatives, the things they do wrong, that you forget to appreciate their rights – the good qualities in them. Our brains have been wired to focus more on wrongs than rights.
As a couple, it is important to commit on the positives than the negatives. Appreciating the positive qualities of your spouse strengthens their desire to continue such behaviour.
When you appreciate and acknowledge their efforts, whether big or small, they are more likely to repeat those actions.
On the other hand, constantly criticizing your partner creates a tense and defensive environment. If they know that all you do is complain about their actions, they are less likely to feel motivated to commit to making the relationship work.
Make a mental note to verbally appreciate something about your spouse each day. It could be a specific action they took, a trait they exhibited or just that you love having them around.
4. You No Longer Have Deep Meaningful Conversations
If all you talk about is surface level like one answer questions and you don’t care to share your thoughts, feelings, desires and dreams with each other, then you will become disconnected and feel like strangers in your home.
Now, this is not to say you should not discuss daily tasks as a couple. Rather, making preparations for things to do around the home shouldn’t be the only discussion you have with your spouse.
“Babe, what’s for dinner?”
“Honey, gas has finished”
Communicating on a deeper level means you can talk about your fears, dreams, vulnerabilities and insecurities as a couple. You talk about yours, and they talk about theirs.
Little actions like this and you’re creating an environment where you both consider yourselves as safe spaces.
It’s not just also about talking. It’s also about listening to your spouse. Discuss a chapter of a book you find fascinating.
Pro tip – mentally stimulating conversations almost immediately lead to sexually satisfying actions. Wink wink.
5. You’ve Put Sex on the Back Burner
If you do not prioritise sexual intimacy in your marriage, you are prioritising disconnection.
Sexual intimacy is very important in any marriage. It is a powerful way to express your deepest desires and affection for one another. The act of sex itself is a deeply intimate experience. It allows you to be vulnerable with your partner and explore pleasure together.
When your sex life as a couple starts to become a secondary priority, then you are slowly losing your physical attraction to each other.
If you have a precious gift, you’ll want it next to you almost all the time. You wouldn’t want it out of your sight.
Your partner is your precious gift. When you stop to crave their presence or touch around you, it is a sign you need to check what is happening.
Are you slowly losing sexual attraction for each other? Do you not crave them like it was in the beginning? Then read my book, Have Sex & Pray.
Wrapping Up
It’s easy to drift apart in marriage, especially as you’ve been together for longer. The good news is once you notice it, start to engage in ways that help you to reconnect.
To help you reconnect with your spouse, my 30-Day Reconnecting Challenge is a great opportunity to start. Join almost a thousand couples who have experienced a positive change in their marriage with this challenge.
The next challenge starts September 1st! Sign up here!
