I have not come across anyone who got married and hoped to have a marriage that’s void of intimacy. We all get married with the desire to have an intimate relationship with our spouses.
However, this does not happen for every couple because intimacy in marriage does not happen by mere wishes, it requires intentionality and developing habits that would help us build intimacy.
I like to describe intimacy simply as a a feeling of closeness you have with your partner. It’s the bond you share with your partner on an emotional, intellectual, and physical level.
In marriages, intimacy is about connecting together as a couple, hearts and souls allowing yourselves to truly see and understand each other. At the core of intimacy is being vulnerable – the conscious effort to open up and share your innermost self with your partner.
Let’s talk about a few vulnerable habits you should prioritise if you desire to increase the intimacy in your marriage.
1. Become Comfortable Sharing Your Feelings
Be comfortable sharing your feelings and needs with each other calmly and respectfully, e.g. “I feel a little disconnected lately. I could do with your warm hugs right now.
As a couple, it is important to create a space where each person can express their feelings and know they will be heard. Why is it important?
There will come a time when your marriage will experience rock hills. Everything can’t be rosy every time. The environment you create will determine how you cope when things don’t go well.
If something bothers you, and you cannot tell your partner, these negative feelings can build up as walls in your relationship which will hinder intimacy. It is important that couples create an environment where they can share their joys, desires, hurts and feelings with each other without feeling judged
For example, imagine it’s a Saturday morning and you are having breakfast with your partner. While you silently crave their presence, they are on the phone scrolling off social media. Rather than get upset about this behaviour, a simple, “Babe, I was hoping we could talk over breakfast and have this time away from work. Would you mind putting your phone away for a bit?”
Rather than bear a grudge against your partner for not being attentive, you can communicate how you feel and what you need vulnerably.
2. Establish Rituals of Affection Everyday
Rituals of affection are those small yet consistent gestures that you both prioritise in your marriage every day. This could include how you go to bed, how you welcome each other, how you wake up, or how you spend your evenings after work
For example, my husband and I spend at least 30minutes together every evening talking about our day, watching a movie or just cuddling and relaxing in each others arms, this is one of our rituals of connection.
These rituals are powerful ways to establish a culture and a habit of friendship and intimacy in your marriage
Find rituals that fit your marriage and see how this simple actions will strengthen your intimacy.
3. Prioritize Self-care and Spiritual Wellness
Becoming more dependent on God for your happiness and showing up with a positive, enthusiastic attitude and energy in the marriage will ultimately impact on your intimacy. Happiness starts from you and the more you focus on what is happening inside of you, the more it radiates into your marriage
A lot of people put the sole responsibility of their happiness on their spouse. Your spouse is human and they don’t have the capacity to make you happy all the time. You must create your own happiness from within and make yourself happy through the things you do that brings you joy and a sense of fulfillment
This will create a positive aura around your marriage. Happiness is contagious. Most likely, your partner will respond to your positive energy and this creates a cycle of positivity around your marriage.
In conclusion, intimacy is created. It is not found. It is built by the consistent actions and habits we invest in our marriage everyday.
