Marriage is a beautiful journey. Two people working together to create a healthy, happy relationship is a beautiful thing. But as with all things beautiful, even the strongest partnerships will encounter hiccups along the way.
How we navigate these hiccups will determine whether our marriages will become stronger or weaker.
In this article, we’ll explore three things you need to let go of, release control and allow new life into your marriage.
1. Petty Arguments
You have to know what is really worth fighting over. Ask yourself – will this matter in 3 days? Your relationship is more important than winning an argument.
In every marriage, there are big and small issues. If you always make a mountain of a molehill, you won’t like the atmosphere of your marriage. It is easy to pick every little imperfection of your spouse and turn it into a major issue, but you must always remember that you also are not perfect, you are both trying to understand each other and build a relationship with better understanding.
Sometimes you have to ask yourself before turning a minor thing into a big issue:
- Is this really worth my reaction?
- If I was in my partner’s shoes, would I have done any different?
- Will this disagreement even matter in a few days?
When you take the pressure off always wanting to win an argument or always be the right one, you will have more positive experiences in your relationship
Remember, your relationship is more important than being right. Pick your battles wisely and drop the petty arguments
2. Comparing Your Marriage or Partner with Others
Comparing your spouse or your marriage will steal your joy. Instead, focus on what you have and keep building it. The comparison makes you focus on every other asides your own.
Comparing your marriage is a recipe for disaster. It is easy to fall into the trap of scrolling through social media and seeing those lovely couples and wishing it was you.
Or even when you are having a conversation with your friends and they talk about how their marriage is all lovey-dovey.
When you compare your marriage with others, you shift your focus from appreciating what you have to dwelling on what you perceive to be missing. Ultimately, you tend to feel dissatisfied and undermine your own happiness.
Every marriage goes through ups and downs. When you’re busy comparing, you miss an opportunity to nurture and strengthen your own relationship.
Rather than compare, practice a “the grass is greener where you water it” mentality. Take time to appreciate your partner and their unique traits.
Write down things you love about them, express your appreciation verbally, and show it through your actions. Try out new things together. It could be a new hobby, a new game or cooking a new recipe together.
3. Trying to Change your Spouse to be like You
You are different first in gender, then in personality. Embrace who your spouse is and dwell with them according to that knowledge. Trying to change them will turn you into a critic and that’s unattractive.
No two people are the same. Marriage thrives on embracing differences, not trying to erase them.
Opposites often attract for a reason. Your spouse’s strengths can complement your weaknesses and vice-versa. Their hobbies and even the things that might annoy you sometimes, are all part of what makes them who they are.
Accept these differences in your partner. Nobody is perfect, including you! Trying to change your spouse stifles their growth and creates an environment where you’re criticizing instead of supporting each other.
Now, don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t mean you should ignore or condone unhealthy behaviours. Your approach should be more of collaboration and support, not control.
To help you through, think about what core values you share. For some, it could be honesty, for others, it could be a sense of adventure. The goal is to focus on these common traits and build a strong foundation.
Get to know your partner intimately and you will see that you can develop interest in each other’s world as long as you embrace each other’s differences.
In Summary
In your marriage, you must consciously decide on what you want the environment around your marriage to be and put effort in making it a reality.
If there are underlying issues that needs to be resolved, bring them up constructively. My best-selling resource, “The 3Cs Guide” will help you here!
