I like to describe Emotional Maturity as taking responsibility for our feelings, reactions and our actions. Emotional Maturity is being in touch with oneself first and then we can empathize and give room for other people’s emotions and experiences.
I’m sure you have heard about the importance and the need for those in romantic relationships to communicate directly, listen actively, and show empathy, trust, respect and understanding for each other;
the preconditions to achieve this level of relationship growth and satisfaction require emotional maturity
So, let’s focus on 7 perspectives on emotional maturity in marriage and in romantic relationships in particular. Make sure you read this to the end
7 Perspectives on Emotional Maturity in Marriage
1. Emotional Maturity in Marriage Means You Understand That No one is Perfect
Emotional Maturity in marriage means you understand that you don’t have or need a perfect spouse because you are also not perfect. As long as your spouse is aware of their imperfections and willing to grow through them, they can become better for the marriage and perfect for you.
The common misconception is that there are perfect marriages. No marriage is perfect solely because no two individuals are perfect- including you and your spouse.
The idea of having a perfect partner is a false narrative. Matured partners understand that expecting flawlessness from your partner is unrealistic.
What sets the cornerstone of every successful marriage is mutual acceptance and growth. When couples are willing to accept that they both have shortcomings, they create a safe space where both individuals can work on personal development.
The beauty of this? Couples who do this evolve together, strengthening their bond and deepening their love.
2. Emotional Maturity in Marriage Means You are in Control of your Mood
Emotional Maturity in marriage means you are self-aware enough to recognize that sometimes you are just not in a good mood and it’s not your spouse that’s the problem. It’s your mood so don’t take it out on them.
You know that you’ve come to a mature place in your marriage when you come to a deep understanding of yourself. It is knowing that everyone experiences fluctuations with their emotions- right now you’re happy, the next minute, you’re moody.
Sometimes, these moods are unrelated to external circumstances. It is important to understand where your mood is coming from. Is it work, stress or our partner’s actions?
Being able to understand where your mood stems from prevents you from throwing unnecessary blames to your partner. By understanding that your mood is a temporary condition, you can provide an environment to process your emotions without pulling your partner in.
3. Emotional Maturity in Marriage Means You are in Control of These Three Things
Emotional Maturity in marriage means you understand that YOU are solely in control of these 3 things in your relationship: 1. Your actions – what you do, 2. Your reactions – how you regulate your nervous system, and, 3. Your responses – how you process information, depersonalize and choose your responses.
While it is true that factors outside our control can influence our experiences, it is good to know that our ultimate power lies in how we respond to them.
From your actions, you can produce the outcomes you desire. This means taking responsibility for your behaviour.
Conscious actions such as listening to your partner, identifying what you need from your partner and directly telling them how to meet that need can contribute to a healthy marriage where both partners support each other.
Your reactions to situations that occur within your marriage also matter. Emotions are a natural phenomenon in any marriage. What matters is how you express them. A mature partner can manage their emotional responses and prevent impulsive reactions that can harm the relationship.
Finally, how do you process information in your relationship with your spouse? Can you objectively differentiate between facts and emotions?
Do you take things personally?
Or do you take time to process information before you respond?
All of these will make you a more emotionally intelligent spouse which will make your relationship easier
4. Emotional Maturity in Marriage Means You Understand Marriage is Not All About Feelings
Emotional Maturity in marriage means you understand that you may not always feel butterflies or have mushy feelings in your marriage, but you recognize that secure and stable love is not always about feelings. It’s about two people who commit to each other every day through the lows and highs.
Do you know that marriage often goes through stages? – A shift from romantic infatuation to a point where it is sustained by deep commitment?
Yes, feelings can and will fade.
What then happens to your marriage?
While the initial stages of any marriage are often filled with butterflies and feelings, long-term living together will make these feelings flow away over time.
Matured partners understand this and know that this doesn’t mean the love is flowing away. No!
Instead, it provides an opportunity for couples to engage in deepening the relationship through actions of commitment and reassurance. It means choosing the same person every day, regardless of how you feel in that moment.
In other words, love is action and not feelings.
5. Emotional Maturity in Marriage Means You Are Not Ashamed to be Vulnerable
Emotional Maturity in marriage means you are honest about your insecurities, traumas, and negative behaviours and how they negatively impact on your spouse and you are actively seeking to heal and grow.
As I said earlier, no individual is perfect and neither is any marriage. But the beauty of a healthy marriage is seeing two people help each other grow into a relationship that significantly impacts their personal lives positively.
Mature partners are open enough to acknowledge that these imperfections exist and can communicate how this affects their relationship. By doing this, they encourage emotional safety in their relationship.
It is choosing to grow together over denial and stagnation.
6. Emotional Maturity in Marriage Means You are Willing to Compromise
Emotional Maturity in marriage means you understand you can’t always have your way and it’s also okay not to have the last word in an argument and you will be fine with that. You recognize there’s no award for the person who has the last word. It’s just seeking for war
Marriage is a partnership – it involves two people coming together to make a relationship work and each person has equal value. The desire to always have your way can be detrimental to building a healthy marriage. It is a relationship, not a battleground.
Your personal ego should not be your priority over your relationship. It is about valuing peace and understanding more than being right. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to surrender your needs or opinions. No! It simply means finding common ground and solutions that work for both of you.
Think of a healthy marriage as a dance. If the two of you are not actively working together to match your rhythm, you’ll keep stepping on your toes.
7. Emotional Maturity in Marriage Means You Understand that Love is not a Feeling
Emotional Maturity in marriage means you understand you don’t always have to “feel” in love to “act” in love. You are bigger than your feelings and your commitment must trump your feelings. You act in love because you choose to love them regardless of your feelings.
Romantic feelings are often made up of butterflies and euphoria which, in most case, are short. I mean, you see them in your Hollywood romantic movies, yes?
What separates a healthy long-lasting marriage from others is that partners have committed to communicating love through actions rather than emotions.
Love is not merely a state of being, it is a state of constant actions. It involves the conscious cultivation of love, respect and care even when emotions may not be at an all-time high.
Conclusion
Developing Emotional Maturity is not a destination. It’s a journey and a continuous process of practising self-awareness, taking responsibility for your reactions, and actions and developing empathy.
As you journey through developing emotional maturity in your marriage, you will start to experience a more positive and fulfilling relationship with your spouse
If you need help building a better relationship with your spouse, book a session to get started.
